I dont deserve to find peace

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by wastedmylife, Sep 9, 2008.

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  1. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I am an asshole, I was a horrible owner to my dog, I loved him or thought I loved him but I was a shitty owner, he would be in pain sometimes and I would actually smack him instead of taking him to the vet

    His pain got so bad at one time it led to his leg getting messed up and I had to have his leg amputated

    I always thought my punishment would be my arm was getting amputated but 3 weeks before he died he gave me a horric injury to my testicle and I was bitter towards him

    Whatever I cant believe this but this is something I have to accept, I dont think I will find peace in my life, I had peace but I blew it, I wish I was a better owner towards my dog, the last 3 weeks of his life were so painful as he was so alone because I was neglecting him, then when I took him to be put to sleep he was in so much pain and he was so alone and I almost didnt care, I even think I dragged him in by his collar or picked him up and brought him into the room to be put to sleep, I wasnt even able to comfort him

    I cant believe this, I loved my dog or thought I loved my dog but I cant believe I let him die like that and I cant believe I allowed him to get his FUCKING leg amputated, I cant believe this of course the vet I took him to misdianosed his leg and said he had a tumor and it needed to be amputated, but regardless of that I WAS FUCKING RESPONSIBLE for his Fucking leg getting amputated

    I guess in some ways I am getting what I deserve, for my sake and my dogs sake I wish I was a better owner

    I just cant believe this, I wonder if it is possible for me to ever achieve peace in my life or wonder if I even deserve to feel peace

    Does Ted Bundy deserve peace or that women who killed her kids

    Whatever maybe I am looking for sympathy again,I dont know

    I was always aware of the concience and how if you fucked up it was impossible to forgive yourself and how you deserve to suffer

    My concience was put to the test last year when I didnt get a 2nd opinion on my dogs leg getting amputated

    I cant believe this fucking shit, what the fuck did I do to my life
  2. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I can only imagine what people think when they look and see I would actually smack my dog when he was in pain, what the fuck is wrong with me

    I was Responsible for his leg getting amputated, there is no fucking doubt about that

    How the fuck am I supposed to live with that

    DO I cut off my arm? I always thought that was my punishment but my dog gave me this testicle injury and maybe I still have to cut my arm off

    I cant believe this shit

    I was responsible for my dog leg getting amputated, if I was a better owner and took care of his other problems instead of yelling at him and smacking him he would probbaly still be alive and have 4 legs and I would probably be happier as well

    Can not believe this shit
  3. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    Hey Don't be so hard on yourself we've all done things we aren't proud off I know I've done plenty but you still deserve to find peace just like we all do
  4. colt45

    colt45 Well-Known Member

    If it bothers you so much try to confess to a Catholc priest or try to talk to a psycologist. Soemtimes talking can help ease the pain and gult one feels' with in.
  5. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    I don't need to see a catholic priest
  6. lavendR23

    lavendR23 Active Member

    try doing what addicts do. get a plant and take care of that for a while to test how well you will take care of that. when you can do that, get another pet and commit to taking care of that. preferrably an animal that would otherwise be destroyed so that you can save it. that way you can develop your skills in taking care of another living thing and improve yourself.
  7. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    well I did save my dogs life so it is better in that regard, however saving a life and giving him a life of misery is no consoltation, if I would have put my dog down a year ago or 6 months ago we both would have been happier, what the fuck is wrong with me
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