I don't deserve to live, nor do I want to......

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by impulse617, Mar 8, 2008.

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  1. impulse617

    impulse617 Well-Known Member

    Well I finally did it this time......I hurt the girl that I love more then anything and now idk if I can ever make things right again.

    I truly thought that she didn't care about me or want anything to do with me, so I told her that maybe we shouldn't even be friends and go our seperate ways. I honestly thought that's what she wanted, and even though I love her to death, I figured I had to do it because if she didn't want me in her life, then there was nothing I could do.

    Turns out I was totally wrong and she really showed just how much she really cared about me. When I told her what I was feeling, she started crying. I guess the whole time I was just being insecure. Wow.....I don't even know what to do right now, I wanna call her and talk to her but I doubt she's gonna wanna talk to me. I just hope I haven't lost her forever.

    Not like this is the first time this has happened.....but this isn't like the other times, I don't think i'll ever be able to fix it, I'm not sure me and her are ever gonna be best friends again. I don't think things will ever be like they were.

    I let my insecurities get to me and I paid the price. It's eating me up inside. This isn't the sole reason why I wanna die, this is just the last straw, this is the thing that has pushed me over the edge. I hurt the one person who truly cared about me and now she's gone. I have nothing left, nothing to live for.....I wish god would just take me away
     
  2. trux

    trux Well-Known Member

    I don't know what I could say to help make you feel a little better, it's just I'm in the exact same situation than you. I mean, I haven't told her yet, but she's the girl I love more than anything in the world and I feel like she doesn't care about me at all. Something tells me I'm right about that, but what if she actually care...

    oh well sorry for hijacking your thread, maybe I shouldn't have said anything...so I'm just gonna give you the usual "hang on" and "hugs"
     
  3. impulse617

    impulse617 Well-Known Member

    Well maybe I can help you

    I've learned that, when we like someone, its normal to be insecure. Truth is, there's probably a good chance that she does care about you so don't do anything irrational until you know what the situation is.

    And I honestly think you should tell her how you feel before its to late, if you don't get a chance to tell her then you're gonna regret it.
     
  4. trux

    trux Well-Known Member

    The thing is she used to smile at me all day long, and we were often talking to each other, but lately I seem to have been bothering her and I can't understand why. For a few days she doesn't even care when I'm talking to her, and all the smiles she's giving me are now forced ones.
    There's no way I'm gonna tell her my true feelings anyway, as I literally stand no chance...that would only make things worse. She used to consider me as a friend, but that's not even the case anymore. And I'm now feeling like whatever I do, I'm gonna end up regretting it.
    Maybe I shouldn't do anything after all, just wait, and see if she is going to leave me behind...
     
  5. bunny

    bunny Staff Alumni

    trux, could you please make your own thread so this one can support the OP
     
  6. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    I don't think it's too late for you to apologize impulse. It's going to take some work but I think if you tell her why you said what you did, she may be able to understand. Now things are never going to be the way they were but that's usually true for everything.

    I hope that things go well for you and that she at least gives you the chance to explain. It's a tough battle determining that line between what we believe is going on and what is the actual reality.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2008
  7. trux

    trux Well-Known Member

    Sorry.

    I did make my own thread though, it's just no one cares
     
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