I don't know if this will trigger anyone. If you have strong feelings about child abuse, or if you've been abused, I don't recommend reading this. Really. Stop now. I don't know if I'm breaking rules. I've been banned from forums for posting things like this before. They think I'm a predator, a rapist, how insulting that I'm here on a forum where people have been hurt and abused. Hopefully, if there's any way for me to maintain a happy and legal life, I'll find out how here. If not, I'll go ahead and end it. I'm 15 years old. Female. Bi-Sexual. Two years ago I figured out I'm attracted to Children. Eventually I figured out I'm primarily attracted to Children. This means I find Children more attractive than any Teen or Adult you could throw at me, but occasionally still find Teenagers or Adults attractive. Usually when they're Child-like. I've never broken the law. How did it come about? It just did. I haven't been abused. I hate pornography. I just... figured it out. I wouldn't wish this on myself. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Well, why don't you just cure it? I've tried. The therapy made me feel horrible. Like a monster, a ticking time bomb. It made my urges worse. I never want to go back to that, EVER. Go out with people my age? I've tried. It's uncomfortable. Forced. Their personalities are alright, but I think they're ugly. Intimacy never works. Even the relationships with Child-like teens don't work. It's not the same, it's never enough. Having a relationship with a Child is obviously not an option. A child's sexuality and mine are entirely different. A child wants affection, attention, a friend. I want a companion, an outlet, a happy life. The two wants don't mix. A relationship with a child would never work. I'd hurt her. That's the last thing I want. I've attempted suicide twice before. Once after a therapist appointment. Once yesterday. I'm thinking about trying again. I feel like the Monster society says I am. I feel trapped. I feel like there are two sides of me, the side attracted to Children, and the side that I put up for other people. It hurts that I have to hide this from society... My friends know, but they don't UNDERSTAND. My mom knows, insists its a perversion, a mental problem. Maybe it is. I don't know... I won't be happy in a normal relationship. Asking me to be in a relationship with a Teenager or Adult is like asking a Straight man to go out with another man. It's not going to happen. But I can't be in a relationship with a Child, and there's no successful support system for "Paedophiles" that haven't offended. What's the point? If this keeps going on, I'll end up hurting someone. It's best for everyone, especially Children, if I end it NOW. I'll bet all of you agree I deserve to be dead.