Im new here, i come from outside america, from Europe, im approaching 20 so my teenage years are almost past me and i would like to stay anonemys. I just searched for a suicidal board on google and this was the first one to come up. Now, i live in Europe(country doesnt matter), and its not in an english speaking country so please bare over if my english is sloppy. In Europe its illegal to buy guns without some kind of licens, either way i cant afford it. <mod edit methods>< Im not some kind of stupid kid, and im not suffering from some kind of illness. I get decent grades in school, i socialize normally, i love my family and my family loves me back, we live happilly and there are no problems whatsoever. So basically im living a descent life. But why the fuck does i keep saying to myself i want to end my life so badly? I mean, i got two parts of my brain battling against eachother, my common sense that keeps telling me that there is basically nothing wrong with me, and some other part that just want to end my life. I exaggerate EVERYTHING in my life, giving things too much thought than i should. Im tired of constantly living in my past actions making it impossible for me to think of my future actions and what is yet to come. Im tired of my mind keep making me think of things that ive already done and which i cant undo. The worst part is that these actions i keep thinking of havent made my life worse in any possible way, other than it gives my mind more reasons to exaggerate my thinking. Even though i have my possibilities to kill myself, i cant do it. I cant even begin slicing my wrists which i just find completly stupid, since i see wristcutting as an attention maker. I want to point out that i havent been saying this to any of my family nor friends since i dont want to attract unnecessary attention because of my suicidal thoughts. Either you try killing yourself or you dont, talking about it just makes you an attention whore. My problem is: I dont even got the guts to do it, and i dont want to talk to people i know about it. Im stuck in the middle of this shit -.-. Im posting this here because i needes some place to let it all out, since because of my principles (which is stated above) i cant say this to my friends or family.