I don't even know anymore

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Invisible Child, Sep 26, 2014.

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  1. Invisible Child

    Invisible Child Antiquities Friend

    The past few weeks for me have been hell and I do not think that I can get past all this. Just over the past couple days I have engaged in so much SH it is getting to the point that I have lost control of it, I am really starting to dissociate and that scares me but at the same time I want it to go that far and I just pass out and that would be the end of all this. I'm tired, I don't want to hurt anymore, I don't want to cry anymore, I don't want to exist anymore. I honestly want to take this to the next level and it would be so easy since I am alone in this house. The walls are closing in and I can't escape the overwhelming thoughts and feelings. That little voice inside me has is no longer little, it is huge and I can't fight it right now, I'm so very weak. Afraid to call the crisis line because I do not want cops here, I don't want a 72 hour hold again. I just want to do what I have planned, go to sleep and not wake up. Nothing seems to matter anymore and I have lost all interest in everything including eating and sleeping. Conversations with others are few because I have walls up and am pushing everyone that means anything to me away. I have come to the conclusion that I am my own worst enemy and I will be responsible for the ending of my own life. I'm not even sure that I want help anymore, I just really want everyone to forget about me as if I never was a part of this world, it would make my decision so much easier. Either way I have made my decision, I can't do this anymore.
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, please do not do anything as you are important. I appreciate you feel alone but life is important. I am sorority that you feel that way. Life can be harsh but the recovery process takes time but with people who understand what you are going through. I implore that you do not do anything what you are feeling. Please feel free to PM anytime if you to talk in private.
     
  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I meant to say sorry not sorority.... Sorry for the mistake....
     
  4. Invisible Child

    Invisible Child Antiquities Friend

    Thank you for your response. While I am trying my damnest to hold on by trying to help others, in doing so I am finding myself slipping deeper. I do not want to be selfish and I am not a selfish person. So until that hour comes I will forget about me and be here for others. The hour is closing in and in knowing that I have a little peace now.
     
  5. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    Your post has touched me deeply. I come on here partly so I can feel honest human contact without competivity or political bias or any other barriers to what's real. It is so tragic to me that despair alone makes so many of us authentic. I would be happy to talk to you on PM if you would like. Lots of Love Fosty
     
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