I have been dealt some extremely hard blows over the past 5 or so years. I've lost everything...my husband of 20 years died of suicide because I was initiating divorce, I lost everything in the process, and my Dad was diagnosed with cancer several months ago, and I'm staying with him now to help him out. I feel like I'm not even living anymore, and I don't know what possessed me to even sign up here. I've attempted to commit suicide and ended up in the hospital with a huge tube down my throat into my stomach 2 times, ran into traffic and I don't know how I came out of those alive. I hear suicide is the most selfish act one can commit, but I am not looking for people to tell me "it's okay", because it's not, and won't be. Maybe I'm just writing for those who know that they will do it, get to the point of not seeking help anymore, and go through with it. Maybe that's why I'm here, because I truly feel as if I'm walking through a gray mist with nothing around me. No one. It just gets worse.