I don't even know,

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lux, Dec 6, 2013.

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  1. Lux

    Lux Well-Known Member

    I feel like a plague. All the time. I feel like whenefver I accept a bit of help from anyone I'm corrupting them and potentially making them ill too and it doesn't seem fair that they should suffer on my behalf,

    and i can never offer back any advice that would be useful
    i'm not sure what the point of this post it, I just feel dreadful and i've no one to talk to.
    my flat mate's been amazing in regards to helping me and stuff btu i've this desperate need to keep people at arms length, both emotionally and physically
    it also sickens me how much i use the words 'i, me, my, and self' in a day

    im also sickened by my own reflection in the mirror
    i see what ive worked for in 10 years, and i should be happy, but it looks hideous
    i'm sick of the bones and being cold
    i'm sick of being ugly
    ugh i hope this doesnt make anyone feel as ill as i do
    i couldn't wish it on anyone
    i can't eat

    i don't know what my next step is, i just want everything to stop
    i want a clean slate
    i'm so sorry for the poor grammar and spllings, im just gushing
  2. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    hi lux


    first... when you talk to others, unless you are malicious in your talking... its not really your place to decide what will/will not make them unhealthy, thats for them to decide... most all of us here know ourselves well enough to know when we need to back away. when the person reaches the point they know they need to just stop the conversation... if they choose not to, thats on them, not you. you have a right to share your miseries the same as any of the rest of us. you are here to get healthy too. thats the whole point of this site... support. and don't sell yourself short on the helping others part either... you have done your share helping me along the way, you may not realize it, but a lot of times you help me just by letting me know that i'm not alone, or by just listening. sometimes those qualities are more important than any advice that can be given.

    self esteem problems are a big thing for most of us here as are self image and etc. i'm sure you can find many people to relate with you on that level. maybe not all of us have issues with our total appearance, but many have issues with the person they are on the inside. i also know others like you, have issues with their appearance... they may or may not have a ED too, i dont know. just look around, share when you have a commonality with someone if that makes you feel safer in not "making them ill" ... but always remember, you are important too
  3. Lux

    Lux Well-Known Member

    thanks for taking the time to reply, you're a beautiful person and i don't know where i'd be without you. x
  4. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    np lux.... altho i think you are quite beautiful yourself!
  5. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot Senior Member

    :hug: Try not to be so down on yourself. Youre a cool girl Lux..

    I know, easier said than done. Just try :nod:
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