I don't know why I even am on this site. I feel so alone that I guess I thought I would just google suicide forum and.... viola there is one.. I am not suicidal. I have zero urge to end my life.. but what I have done is quit my pretty decent job and lock myself up in my house since January. I leave the house every few days to go to the grocery store.. but I live with my boyfriend so he does that most of the time. I went out once a few weekends ago with a friend.. I felt good. but now I am still locked away. I have applied at a 1000 jobs and I set up interviews, but I can't seem to leave my house. So I am stuck in this cycle.. I guess back story to understand why I got here. I have been with my bf for 8 years. We were in love once. I think he still is. Since 2010 he has worked maybe a year of that time.. the rest of the time it has been just me working. He has two kids and owes back child support.. he also had a ton of tickets stopping him from getting an ID for fear of jail. His mom paid off all his tickets, but he still wont get a id because of the back child support. I tried to leave him last summer, but he convinced me that he would change and because he was my first love and I thought we were forever, I never truly left him. Now here we are almost an entire year later and he still hasn't worked more than 3 months and I got so depressed I quit my job, which was my only way out. My car is a POS and my family is no help. I am stuck in this relationship that I know is killing me. I can't force myself to go out and get a job because I know as soon as I do, I will have to leave him. I know that no matter what this is all he will ever be and I came from a poor family.. I don't want to live my life this way. I don't want to die, but I don't know how to live either. I got with him when I was 19.. I know nothing else. I can't even cook really. ALL excuses. I know.. But I need someone to tell me what to do. step by step. I know that isn't possible.. I just wish someone else has been here and can tell me what they did.