It just sounds pathetic. I sound pathetic. I AM pathetic for spending my free time thinking about being dead as opposed to redirecting my energy into productive things. But I can't redirect. Not anymore. I'm going to cut to the chase. REASONS TO DO IT: 1) I have no partner or children - no one has ever loved me, no one is thinking of me, I would not be breaking anyone's heart 2) I have very few friends, and I spend increasingly less time with them than ever before. They are busy with their own lives - work, relationships, etc. - and I believe would quickly get over it. 3) I have been in extreme emotional pain for as long as I can remember. Clearly I'm predisposed to it. I will never change, and life will not magically become better. I'm no spring chicken, and I need the pain to stop because I've endured it for far too long. 4) I'm not the person I was. I used to be sweet, open, trusting, kind...now I am so angry, completely closed off, a bitch much of the time. I don't like who I've become and or the first time in my life, i feel i've crossed the point of no return. REASONS NOT TO DO IT: 1) I have a dog. 2) My parents would be devastated and my brother would be furious with me. I'm still weighing it out, but it's almost always on my mind now. I'm just too tired.