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I don't exist.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by MrsStavrogin, Jun 13, 2012.

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  1. MrsStavrogin

    MrsStavrogin Active Member

    Does anyone else feel like not even asking for help, friends to chat to, etc.? I've just been sitting here, doing nothing and reading through posts, watching TV (staring at it, not really watching it), eating, killing time, and doing so for ages it seems. I don't have a reason to do anything, so I just exist. Everything bores me. I'm not even trying to do anything anymore... just waiting. The only thing I wish for maybe is a magic pill which would kill me instantly. Just to disappear completely, without any trace or further pain. Outside the sun is shinning, people are living, doing. The contrast makes my non-existent state even more accentuated. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going to stop eating and breathing, shrivel up and die.
    I wish nothing. I need nothing.
    Anyone else feels like this?
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Yeah I feel like this most of the time...like I'm an outsider watching everyone be happy and live life, while I just sit around doing nothing. I almost feel like I don't deserve that life for some reason. I'm sorry that you feel this way though, and just know that you aren't alone in feeling this.
  3. MrsStavrogin

    MrsStavrogin Active Member

    I was supposed to die a long time ago. The years after my first suicide attempt have been just borrowed years. Wasted years. Not one thing has happened since that would make me think: ''Oh, it's such a good thing I'm still alive. It's a good thing I survived''. No. I'm supposed to be dead. This way I'm a ghost.
  4. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you feel that way :sad:

    I wish there was something I could say to help... but I realize that's a state of mind that words alone will have no affect on. I hope you do some day find meaning in your life, even though you may not want it - I think you would change your mind if you found something worth living for.
  5. PJLane

    PJLane Well-Known Member

    i feel like this - im at a point of feeling like, whats the point of trying to get better, as it just doesnt. I could try and get help, but im scared that it wont work and will just end up feeling worse

  6. ellorian

    ellorian Well-Known Member

    I just want to note that you are doing things. You are logging on to suicideforum and both reading posts and making a post. You are eating. You are stimulating your brain with visual and audio stimuli whether you are paying much attention or not. In short, you are fulfilling the basic needs for life to exist and, at least to some degree, reaching out for support. Please do not think I am dismissing your pain - it is precisely that you can and do do these things while you are so powerfully depressed that shows you are still willing to try. It is the easiest thing in the world not to turn on the computer or tv, to stop eating and drinking, to give up. Certainly it means facing boredom and pain, but it can be done. I was just talked out of fasting to death myself after 2 days without food and the same without properly hydrating drinks. I am very glad to see that you are not doing that and indeed you are continuing to be alive. I cannot promise you that life will be easy, but I can say so long as you are continuing to reach out, accept mental stimulation of some kind, and nourish your food and body (even on junk food if necessary) there is some hope. I truly hope you find that.
  7. Finance

    Finance Well-Known Member

    I feel the same. There won't be a second act in life.

    I'm done with everything. Just haven't physically died, yet.
  8. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

  9. triedtoomanytimes

    triedtoomanytimes Well-Known Member

    Yes, oftentimes I just sit staring at the walls, the floor, hearing the world go by outside. Even when I join in with 'life', it feels I'm not really joining in, just going through some strange motions. You're not alone with those thoughts, sometimes though I reckon we do allow our thoughts too much importance.
  10. Jemm

    Jemm Well-Known Member

    I agree with the "uh huh"
    I got no answers, no motivation, no hope and way to little energy to ask the many many questions that remain trapped somewhere in my progressively shrinking mind (mostly from lack of stimulation or human contact)
    but I think this state of nothingness is a refreshing reprieve from the soul crushing misery of saddness
  11. aimlessdrifter

    aimlessdrifter Well-Known Member

    I feel like this everyday :sadyes:
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