I don't know what to say really but.... Nothing seems to make me happy or angry anymore, or feel anything but isolation and sadness. I've been getting waves of suicidal thoughts and plans, and they leave eventually, only to come back stronger and more persuasive each time. I feel so alone. I can't connect with anyone, no matter who they are or what they say. All the smiles and laughter and kind words just feel empty now. Or they make me feel even worse than I did before. I don't know if I'll live to the end of January, I just want this utter isolation to be over with.