i dont feel as though i can anymore

well. the story of my life. again, im IP. this time though, its because they found out i was going to suicide and got me thrown in quickly.
and after a little while, i admit, the thoughts got quieter. became less evident..... and i didnt want to die 24/7....

but now. im back at square one. im still IP. not on high risk anymore (even though i should be). and my doctor doesnt listen to me. i tried to break my own wrist last week. and ive managed to get a blade and some bandaids. and ive taken to myself in other harmful ways.

i guess i just dont see the point of living a life that no matter what, SI and food with always be a problem. im starting to believe again that it'd be easier for everyone if i went now. rather than years down the track.

i dont know. im up down up down on this one. i know the ambivilance (sp?) is apparently a good thing. but im not sure. i feel like the smallest thing is going to make me snap.... i just want to feel like i can get somewhere. my pdoc actually said to me last week that he doesnt know what to do with me. i mean, if the highest up professionals are giving up on you, isnt that a sign?

sorry. im rambling. anything would be appreciated. (espcially because it takes forever to type with a wrist injury. lol).
thanks. please help.
t.
xxxx.

 

SI is not right.. Why do you want to die? Why do you feel it's the end?
You need to tell your doctor this, you said they doesnt listen.. but this might make them..

Take care,
Ally _%

p.s. Can I just say that you have the most beautiful signature..

 

Are you on medication? are they altering it? uping the dose or changing it?

I ask this because you need more help then just you helping yourself. you need people to help you help yourself and it doesn't seem like you are getting it. do you get what i'm saying? lol...

people who are really down sometimes can't and wont pick themselves back up. u seem to be at this point. it angers me that you feel your doctor doesn't listen to you, because it is probably true.

hold in there, tho.