I don't feel the pain any more. And that hurts worse.

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Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#41
It is when your self confidence and expectations of others is so low due to past experiences, but havent there been some people in your life who you connected with?
 

Badger

SF Supporter
#45
Thank you for your kind words John but I would say the same to you too!

You are far too kind to end up alone. It is difficult but please keep trying to meet people. Maybe try Church again? Or if you have an interest that has a club so the people you meet would chat about those interests? (Terrible grammar but my tired eyes can't fix it...)

I'm glad we helped and I'm always here if you need to chat :)
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#49
Have you tried enlisting the help of your pastor? As you're new, and don't know anyone, he could introduce you to some of the more friendly members of the congregation.
 
#50
No. I haven't. But I can't just walk up to a stranger or someone I know and drop my trouble in his lap. The pastor at the Baptist Church I go to is a friendly guy, but still. It's not his problem. The other church, I'm not even sure if there IS a pastor, seems like there's a different guy each week. They all say, "if there's anything you need, we'll be around after the service" but I don't know.

They say, "everyone is welcome."

But I always get the feeling they should add another line: "but some are more welcome than others."

Now. You might say that I'm being inconsiderate, bugging you folks with this, but not the ministers. I've always said that if you like, I'll go away. Just say so, I'm gone.

Thanks for putting up with me for this long.
 
#51
But I can't just walk up to a stranger or someone I know and drop my trouble in his lap. The pastor at the Baptist Church I go to is a friendly guy, but still. It's not his problem....
I'd say most church clergy make it their business to listen to concerns of life from members and visitors; and no, they won't make your problems their own or get too bothered about it, on a personal level. But they will listen, and if they have any ideas about where you might go for follow-up help, they will tell you. Churches vary a lot in atmosphere, habits, doctrine, conservatism vs. liberalism, etc., but most run informal or programmatic social welfare campaigns of some kind; after all, the gospel is supposed to give people a richer life with tools for dealing with life problems - along with the "eternal retirement plan." ;)

Best wishes; you're a swell guy. :)
 
#53
...I need to check with the hr department and figure out my retirement age.
I’m not sure there’s an age; I think eligibility begins at birth, if not earlier. But as with Social Security and many other plans, delaying retirement means you get a larger monthly benefit. I was at the doctor’s office again today—real slow getting in, but they took pretty good care of me once on the exam table. It’s that rising blood pressure, a thing that creeps up on the middle-aged. Then a round of water pills and “beware of sodium” begins. And of course, the already-ongoing incipient chronic back pain.

See; I get these monthly benefits because I delayed my retirement past age 45. There will be even more benefits pretty soon, perhaps chronic kidney disease or a first heart attack, the survival of which entitles one to membership in the Coronary Club with complimentary drinks in Vegas. ;):)
 
#54
There's no question of my eligibility. That's in the bag.

I can dictate the age at which I'll leave.

And I'm not greedy, my needs are modest. If I believe that it's the best interest of the company, I'll opt for the earlier date.

Leave a larger fund for those who really need it.

My last official act as an employee will be a completely altruistic and charitable endeavor, as I've long since determined that the company will run much more smoothly without my participation.

No need to thank me.
 
#55
...If I believe that it's the best interest of the company, I'll opt for the earlier date....
I was never aware life is a law firm or something like that. Of course you can do what you set your mind to; no one can stop you from killing yourself if you are determined. But it may be harder than you think, even if you have attempted before. I was unable to go through with the act I had planned. I chickened out. Good thing. I'll have a long, long time to be dead. I'll be dead when they ring in 2100 and nostalgize about the Millennium, to them a century ago. I'll be dead in 2674. I'll be dead in 11706. I'll be dead in 76004289, at which point the last human may have also passed into the fossil record.

But I'll only have a short time to be alive, a few years, possibly even up to four more decades if a real long shot. I want to treasure every day, if I can. That's why I like that this web site is pro-life. What little running child in the world out blowing dandelion seeds on the lawn could be anti-life? ;):)
 
#56
None.

But some children don't run on the lawn, blowing dandys in the wind.

They sit back in the shade and watch the other kids having fun, and witness life from the shadows, vicariously and with a longing sort of detachment, except when they're spotted by the little dandy blowing fools, mean-spirited bastards every one, who pause in their idiotic game to pick on the one who only wanted to watch.

It gets old.

Even a kid, in those circumstances, might become anti-life, at least where his own life is concerned.
 
#57
None. But some children don't run on the lawn, blowing dandys in the wind...
Some children have cancer. They are fated to die painful deaths, as children who never grow up. This is an ancient, cruel, heartrending fact of life with its ethics known as "the Problem of Evil." How could a good god permit this? We don't really know. I only know that it happens that way, and that it is necessary. Everything that happens, even a butterfly flapping its wings back in the Cretaceous Period as it flitted about pollinating the new, showy angiosperms, is necessary. If it had gone down any other way, the present universe would not be here and neither would we. Some other universe would exist instead.

You are precious, John. Your life is a treasure of priceless value, more than all the gold of Egypt and of Greece through time. I hope you are, or become able to, perceive that. o_O:oops:;):):)
 
#59
Precious to whom? I wish I could donate it. Like a heart, or kidneys. Then at least one person would be glad I was around.
Sorry I’m a little slow getting back. Unlike the thread title, I do feel the pain, and it’s really annoying—and distressing—and I’m angry at it right now. It’s like I’m getting old or something, and I’ve always been young all my life! So, I went for my walk. It hurt, but it helps me limber up a bit. I wanted to go in the bar again, for a pitcher this time—just because of having cheated, of having had a glass of beer earlier. But as I did not, I can be proud of myself.

I have a good doctor helping me at the clinic, and I’m penniless. I haven’t given him a dime, and he’s spent time consulting personally, testing my kidney function, prescribing a steroid to blast away at that inflamed sciatic nerve root, and figuring out how we’re gonna get my blood pressure back down—so I don’t develop renal failure, overwhelming hip & leg & foot pain & numbness, and become bedbound like my Momma’s hubby was, during the last couple years before he died.

The cessation of physical activity, when you’re tied, gravid in chair or bed, is a harbinger of death. “Use it or lose it,” they say, as the rocking chair is put away. Gotta long way to go before I get old.

I think you could donate your life to yourself. And Yourself would be glad you donated it to him. He might put a life to good use right about now. And you deserve it. You’re always so nice to other people here, but so mean to Yourself. Treat that fella named “Yourself” good—he’s on the 2 Live Crew and dancing. Yourself is one of those people who are glad you’re around. So there’s at least one. :)
 
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#60
Jeeps. I'm really sorry to hear you're going through that.

But you know as well as I do, we're completely different people.

I get it that you want to continue on. Lots of people do. That's fine, for you and for them. It's what's best.

But, can't you even entertain the POSSIBILITY that maybe it's not what's best for me? Maybe that I'm right, and that I, since I'm the one here limping painfully through my life, just might be in a better position to judge what to do?
 
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