i dont find purpose in life and i cant talk anyone about my sadness i dont find purpose in life. i think im just useless person in this earth. i live for nothing. this is my life. it seems i need 24 hours attention to stop this kind of emotion. i cant talk my mother about how i feel. i dont want her. to know what im going through because she has problem in health . she is getting older and i dont want to be a burden so i deal things on my own. psychotherapy is expensive. i cant buy self-help books here about suicidal thought. i need to order it in another country. i know it is expensive too. i dont want to share this feeling in my friends because they are not aware about my situation. i know that they will suggest that we should drink or pray. i want help and live but i dont know how. sometimes im tired to fight and want to die. i dont know what to do. i hope anyone can give me advice about how i feel.