I sat and wrote out 6 perfectly worded paragraphs, noticed most people don't write that much and so deleted it all. It is difficult for me to summarise my suffering, isolation, lifelong bullying without going into huge detail. I've had it all my life though, treat like garbage, the subject of ridicule. Never ending cycle of bullying and Isolation and so left with no forms of expression on any level my whole life. Do you know what that's like? mental torture is an understatement. I never done anything to anyone ever, never bullied, don't judge people on shallow means yet I endured a constant stream of it. All my childhood, teens and almost all my 20s now. It leaves you with an inevitable life of isolating. Nowhere to turn, and already very hurt, intense mental pain. What I wrote before was so much more but what is the point no one can advise me of anything this is just a form of expression since I have none in my life. I have tried therapists but it just increases the anger, when they tell me things like 'you seem smart though!' implying that I am obviously not suffering enough because I am not completely fucking braindead. They are all the same for my area, completely incompetent and basically just wanting me to fuck off because I know more about psychology than them and refuse their shitty pharma meds. I have nowhere to turn.... there are no options for me otherwise I would have some form of life by now. Inevitable intense suffering is what I have to deal with. Can I even explain myself without people just thinking I'm being pathetic?.. I am beyond tired of things now it's way too much. It's like I have no option but to end it all while people laugh in my face. I am not allowed any normalcy in my life.