I Don't Get It

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Anam_Cara, May 7, 2013.

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  1. Anam_Cara

    Anam_Cara Well-Known Member

    :upset: im trying really hard to understand my life, and not having ANY luck at all. My teenage daughter takes great delight in tormenting me from the time she gets up till the time she goes to bed. If I say anything about it, she blows up in a rage and grandma comes complaining at me for "upsetting" her. in the end im the one that gets all the crap for it. grandma pretty much raised my daughter, a long painful story im not going into here, family pushed me back out of the picture and ended up raising her. I had NO say for most of her life thanks to a guardianship arrangement. now I have virtually no respect from my daughter, and she goes out of her way to make my day miserable as if it isn't already miserable enough with multiple disabilities and isolation from the medical issues. What would you guys do if you were in my shoes? cant end myself as much as I "want" to, daughter only has grandma and I left. everyone else is absent or dead. and her father is a dead beat alcoholic abuser she doesn't even know and whos been absent all her life. If I had other family who could care for her im afraid id have been gone long ago. all I get is made fun of by her, mocked, disrespected and treated like her rug. this isn't a life. at all. really don't know what to do anymore.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I do not have any advice really for your situation but wanted to share a little with you. I have 4 children, oldest 3 are daughters. The are now 21, 17, and 14 for the girls and 8 for he boy. From 12 or 13 all of my daughters turned into very different people and completely impossible to understand often. Be it hormones, just growing up, teen angst - all I know is it was very difficult often. From tears for no apparent reason to just plain mean to everybody at random times. With the oldest around 17 or 18 she started to pull out of it and is now the most helpful person on earth again. The middle one that is 17, turning 18 in a few months is now settling down and becoming much easier to deal with. With my youngest daughter I just take deep breaths and tell myself only 3 or 4 more years hopefully before she becomes more manageable to deal with. My niece was closer to 20 before she "grew out of it".

    My point is, it is my experience that teen years for daughters is very difficult-- for both them and the parents in the best of situations. It became very much a case of pick and choose what battles were really worth an argument. And this is with a full household with 2 parents and not the same challenges you are facing. Give yourself a break- whatever else happened odds are she would be difficult at this age. Give her a break, it seems like just the way things are and is not 100% her fault either. I would try to work with grandma to pick and choose what is really worth the extra stress over and take a lot of deep breaths and if it is not a matter of actual safety and well being just roll with it. If it is safety even if she yells and screams outside a piece of her will see at some point it is love and caring. In a few years hopefully it will get better if there is a foundation established and not too many harsh words come out before that. As the parent, you get a lot less latitude to in that department than she does as a child.

    :hug:
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is true hun my daughter was so horrible to me from age 13 right through teenage years call me every name book hun but they change they can see later in life how horrible they were and they start to be respectful again. Just like state hun let the small things go chose the big battles If she becomes violent then again you have to keep safe Perhaps get some counciling for her see if having someone to talk to will help her a councilor at school maybe hugs to you

    Please hun know that the anger is not really at you it is anger inside of her she is angry at herself not you hugs
     
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