I don't get anything anymore it seems. i may as well stop trying to predict things - time after time i get proved wrong. i guess its a painful reminder i'm still human. I guess I kinda need that though. Today, stop shock horror, dad went to school. I dunno what happened, but he's going to I think a GP on Monday. the thing that makes it even more surprising is that it was MUM that organised it. i mean... wtf?! this wasn't what i was expecting. its a pity she can't take her own advice though. she needs help just as bad as he does, and she is REFUSING help. on that i am not surprised though... i'd known for ages that she would probably think that. i wish she would get help for herself though, but not from books. They're helpful in their own right, I admit it, fine, but really, as much as i love books and reading, you can get so much more from talking to a person. i wish she could see that. Well ok, im being harsh, but i really am sick of them refusing to cope with things in the past. I was hoping she'd be more agreeable... I'm full aware of the fact that they could call the DHS in if they kept refusing help, but I don't think that they'll come in for now, because dad could quite possibly be getting help now. what makes even less sense though is this: there's every single chance that things could actually look up and stay up for real now, so why am i still so unhappy? in fact i am probably more unhappy now than i was before, and tired too... sometimes i find myself crying and i don't even know why. It used to be the opposite - that i COULDN'T cry. i don't even know how many people have asked me if i'm ok in the last two days. this includes teachers and friends. I can't tell them though, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone else. i keep my promises - i don't want mum angry at me. i don't want to lose her support too... However meagre and limited it may be.