I don't give a shit about anything anymore Hello people. I'm totally new here, this is my first thread. I've been reading a lot here, and feel that someone here might understand me. I've been depressed since i was 13, and suffered a lot. Cried my eyes out and didn't fit in anywhere. I think i've gotten past that, been to a psychologist and such, a lot. Gotten a lot of support and help from my friends and family. Still, my unhappiness obviously isn't quite over yet. Now I'm soon 18 and for the last year I've just felt sort of empty and overwhelmingly suicidal. I've been hurting myself/cutting a few times, and it sort of helps at very hopeless moments. I was so embarrassed at school, so I try to hide my scars. I KNOW that i shouldn't be, because it just keeps making it worse, but still. I don't know why I want to end everything this badly. I'm doing ok at school, my family loves me, I'm good at playing piano, I have friens and people that care about me. I have a girlfriend, ten months together now, and it's been pretty good. She knows about my problems, but she can't quite understand. I think nobody can. It seems like I really have nothing to complain about, but still I go around every single moment, every single day, thinking, planning to kill myself. Life just feels so unnecessary and hopeless. Lately I've been having problems feeling anything at all. I don't feel sad, no joy, no thrill, no depression. The only thing I feel is that I want to die, and I go around hoping that I'm hit by a car or something. I don't know why I don't commit suicide. I barely give a shit about anything anymore, maybe this is just my outside thought and feelings, because I truly believe that I care about my family and friends. I tried to visit my doctor to get to speak with a psychiatrist or something, but they seem to mess it up and I haven't gotten any help yet. When I was at her, I told her pretty much everything, and I had to take som sort of test and I scored low on depression and such, but very high on suicidality. So am I really suicidal and not depressed or feeling down? Please, help me. I really want to understand and control this before I just give up and leave this world.