i don't hate it

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by scarlettdrknss, Oct 6, 2012.

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  1. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    so before i attempted suicide a while ago (i forgot if it was one or two years ago...) i was kinda obsessed with cutting and harming myself. i cut pretty every day. if i didn't cut in the evening, i woulf feel worse the next day. cutting helped me fall asleep and calm down. i didn't just cut though. for a while i would do anything to hurt myself. < edit moderator total eclipse methods of sh deleted too triggering>

    i never liked the thought of always going deeper though. i didn't want to damage myself. i didn't want to rely on a doctor for surviving. i don't want to bleed to death. but i want to bleed and i want to mark myself with scars.

    so, i remember when i was small, i was always proud of my cuts and scars and liked showing them off. and i had the habit of chewing my nails for as long as i can remember.

    since i started cutting, i have never seen it as something bad. it was always just a natural part of me. i don't cut much now but i have never had the thought of really stopping. i don't want to stop harming myself. my parents, friends and therapist know that i used to cut. my parents took away most things i used to cut with. that didn't stop me though <edit moderator total eclipse methods >

    i'm not sure what i'm trying to say. probably that you can't really stop someone from harming themselves if they really want to. you'd have to put them in a coma or something. on the other hand i do not understand why i like hurting myself. i have no real reason to self harm except for my depression but somehow it's holy for me and i never wanted to stop.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 6, 2012
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    One does not have to be put into a coma to stop self harm one needs to get professional help to teach them better coping skills. I know people lots who have stop the self harm now and have moved on to healthier ways of coping with pain stress loneiliness ect so can you but like y ou stated you have to want to stop You have to want better for yourself and the only way to heal is to get help so you do understand why it is you do what you do and how to change it. hugs I deleted all your methods please read rules ok as they were triggering to others. take care of you
     
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