I don't have a suicide note

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forgotten_Man, Oct 15, 2006.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Ha ha funny how those words can keep you alive. Today I had a chance to end it all. Lets just say that if I had a suicide note, even a small shitty one I would not be here. I should write a suicide note just in case. That way nothing will hold me back when I see a chance to die.
  2. gitana

    gitana SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni


    I am glad that you didn't end it all.. You have been here awhile and I really understand how difficult it is to keep going forward.. Been there many times seriously.. Every day, I have a chance to end it all.. and yeah, I have written suicide notes..

    Noooo.. you have been here for awhile..why? Can't remember how many posts at the moment.. something like 400?? Why?? Yes, I would love to be at peace, as we think we will be.. and I am not afriad to do it.. BUT I found this wonderful forum.. so different than anybody else's on the web.. and just in time, I guess, and so far it has helped me tremendously.

    yes, I grew up feeling extremely suicidal. since I was 5 ... yes.., I have lost many ppl in my life.. yes, I have lost 9 close ppl to me to suicide.. yes, I could attempt at anytime and make sure.. don't know why.. no matter what I have tried in the past.... my pdoc is amazed, and other ppl, for whatever reason, I am still here toiday.. I know ppl who have tried, and are also parylazed, and so much more..

    We are here to help. you.. I understand the pain,.., and SF many ppl do here too,,many here can relate to you.. You are not Forgetten at all.. nobody will.
    ever forget you.. We are here because we understand the pain one is feeling.. we have been there and you are not alone.. OK??

    Yes, my legacy or generation curse is to to kill myself.. however I come here first and have made many friends here who understand..and can relate.. Yes, I am having more than a difficult time and yes, I would love to suicide.. but I come here to this site.. and ppl really care.. I hope you will take it a day at a time... and lean on us.. yes, there are times, that I don't give a damn., and any day I can make that choice.. I have the means. surprised and my pdoc as I explined earlier.. is shocked I have survived many attempts.. and I am surpirsed also..

    I understand alot of deep pain here.. and so do many others,...

    You think you are forgetten.. nobody here will ever forget you.... I really mean that. We really care whether you believe it or not...


  3. ilene

    ilene Member

    Dear Forgotten Man,
    I understand your despair. Sometimes it is so hard just to breathe in and out and put one foot in front of the other. But I care about you, and I will not forget you. I'm really glad you didn't end it today, and I'm really glad you came to this forum. Lots of us completely understand because we feel or have felt the same way. We want to help you. We care about you. You may wonder how we could care about a stranger, well, I'll tell you how. In my mind, the fact that you are a human being is enough to love you. But on top of that I believe you are a precious son of God. I don't know if you are religious, but that's just how I look at people and feel love for them. I believe that every human being on this earth has something to contribute, and that includes you. You are probably so depressed right now, that all of this doesn't matter to you at all. But, I just want you to know that I do care about you. You will never be forgotten on this forum. Love, Ilene
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Gitana and ilene: Sorry I must have forgotten to subscribe to this thread. A lot of stuff has happened over the past couple of days, I have made 3 or 4 other threads doing explaining... anyway.

    In the end I know that I will not be forgotten no matter how hard I try. I have made to many bonds over the net forums I am active in. But there comes a time when I must choose me over those who love me. But at the moment I am scared to die.

    I am scared to die and do not even know why. I believe that there is nothing after death that is my one wish is that when I die I cease my existence. Like I said in another thread "I will be right there killing myself in whatever afterlife there may be." I hate everything about my existence.

    People mistake me, and others, on this forum for being strong and I know for a fact that I am not strong. But I am durable, at a young age I went through a great deal of bullying.... I was a super nerd or geek... you know a kid that the regular nerds and geeks beat up and tormented along with the bullies. I know that peoples hatrad of me caused many unlikely friendships. And then once I left that place I came back only to find that I had been forgotten. But now I am durable no matter how great the force applied I am not breaking and it is so annoying.

    I know people can relate to me, many more relate to the emotions and pain because they have actually experienced outside elements to make them feel the pain. But my pain is, for the most part, self-inflicted. I am to scared of people to be around them in real life with out anxiety attackes. I think too little of myself and in the past, not now cause of new beliefs, that caused my depression just because I was alone. I contiuned the trend of being alone. It is just the way I am.

    I could go on and on listing any number of reasons as to why I want to die, why I am worthless, why I will be forgotten. But that would take up more time than I want to put forth. But you can see a documentation of my beliefs and justifications at my LiveJournal if you would so like. I bet if you wanted too read all my posts from day one you could see my depression become suicide as well as a great deal of soul searching.... but that is well over 100 pages of reading if you are so bold.
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