I don't have enough time or strength to lose my shit

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by helyn, Apr 30, 2015.

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  1. helyn

    helyn New Member

    I came across this with hope that I would be able to deal with the trapped anger and loneliness that I can't express to my coworkers or family. I live in a smaller town and am a caregiver with a fairly large presence, so I'm constantly stuck in a place of wanting to lose my shit but afraid it will discredit me or make me seem less reliable because I'm a hot mess.

    Lately I've been noticing my judgement with respect to personal choices is bizarre. With social and professional situations I'm more of a non-reactor than ever before. As the first decade of my adulthood (after high school) was spent as a very independent girl chasing a difficult career, I've conditioned myself to pull away from any sort of emotion, especially if anyone bonds to me. Instead I hide behind my facts and science, under the cover of being a nerd (which I actually think is cool but the world hasn't figured out yet).

    Right now I've been in the same town for 6 years and I've never done anything for that long. I want to bomb it all and start over again at zero, but my six figure loan prohibits that. I feel like I'm just hanging around for the responsibility towards my patients, and my grandma who I visit in her care home every week.

    Is anyone else on here having problems with compassion fatigue and burying every emotion?
  2. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello and welcome to the forum.

    I find that a lot of the time I hide or bury my emotions. I struggle to get across what I want to say for fear of being judged or ignored, so instead I just keep it to myself. This site has helped me a great deal in expressing my feelings and emotions, I hope it can do the same for you. You'll find a lot of members here that will understand what you are going through, you can talk about your anger and loneliness here. I hope you find the support you are looking for and make some great friends.

    Oh and there is nothing wrong with being a nerd, coolest people on the planet! Geek is the new chic.

    Take care and hopefully will see you around the forum and in chat :hug:
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Welcome aboard.

    Think finding a Therapist will help you deal with your issue.

    I do experience lack of compassion and emotion at times. I am in the mental health field and am burnt out
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I spend my life suppressing anger, my mother is fragile and wouldn't be able to deal and my son has mental health issues which sends him berserk if I even complain.
    Suppressing anger is having a knock effect with both my health and other emotions and I feel dampened down.
    Like you, I sometimes just want to let it out!
    Welcome to the forum, here at least, you can let it go.
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