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I don't have enough time or strength to lose my shit

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by helyn, Apr 30, 2015.

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  1. helyn

    helyn New Member

    I came across this with hope that I would be able to deal with the trapped anger and loneliness that I can't express to my coworkers or family. I live in a smaller town and am a caregiver with a fairly large presence, so I'm constantly stuck in a place of wanting to lose my shit but afraid it will discredit me or make me seem less reliable because I'm a hot mess.

    Lately I've been noticing my judgement with respect to personal choices is bizarre. With social and professional situations I'm more of a non-reactor than ever before. As the first decade of my adulthood (after high school) was spent as a very independent girl chasing a difficult career, I've conditioned myself to pull away from any sort of emotion, especially if anyone bonds to me. Instead I hide behind my facts and science, under the cover of being a nerd (which I actually think is cool but the world hasn't figured out yet).

    Right now I've been in the same town for 6 years and I've never done anything for that long. I want to bomb it all and start over again at zero, but my six figure loan prohibits that. I feel like I'm just hanging around for the responsibility towards my patients, and my grandma who I visit in her care home every week.

    Is anyone else on here having problems with compassion fatigue and burying every emotion?
  2. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello and welcome to the forum.

    I find that a lot of the time I hide or bury my emotions. I struggle to get across what I want to say for fear of being judged or ignored, so instead I just keep it to myself. This site has helped me a great deal in expressing my feelings and emotions, I hope it can do the same for you. You'll find a lot of members here that will understand what you are going through, you can talk about your anger and loneliness here. I hope you find the support you are looking for and make some great friends.

    Oh and there is nothing wrong with being a nerd, coolest people on the planet! Geek is the new chic.

    Take care and hopefully will see you around the forum and in chat :hug:
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Welcome aboard.

    Think finding a Therapist will help you deal with your issue.

    I do experience lack of compassion and emotion at times. I am in the mental health field and am burnt out
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I spend my life suppressing anger, my mother is fragile and wouldn't be able to deal and my son has mental health issues which sends him berserk if I even complain.
    Suppressing anger is having a knock effect with both my health and other emotions and I feel dampened down.
    Like you, I sometimes just want to let it out!
    Welcome to the forum, here at least, you can let it go.
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