I Don't Have To Worry About Suicide, I Am Already Dead

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Godsdrummer, Apr 16, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    So I went in to the clinic after work yesterday to be treated for my sinus infection.

    The nurse took my blood pressure (standard routine stuff when you are treated by a doc). My blood pressure was 150ish over 105ish!!!!! The nurse checked the other arm and it was 160ish over 105ish!!!!! And then when the Doc was finishing my exam, she rechecked the Bp and it was down to 140ish over 100ish, but still very high for me.

    The last time I was seen for an illness by my Doc before my wife left me, my Blood pressure was high then too. Around 150ish then. At that time the Doc chalked it up to some increased weight gain, stress etc. Told me at the time to go caffeine free on all my drinks.

    Prior to that, my blood pressure has always been fine. There has never been a history of high blood pressure in my family.

    My brother in law had high blood pressure and died of a massive heart attack when he was 40!!! I am 42!!!!!!!

    Now...since Sept 08 when my wife left me, and my life started spiraling out of control as I went on my self inflicting rampage to try and destroy myself, the last thing in my mind, (if it was even there at all) was my blood pressure.

    Looks like all the pills I took and all the booze I drank and all the cigarettes I smoke have taken it's toll.

    The doc stated she wanted me to do a follow up with my primary doc in 2 weeks. Now I just need to find a doc.

    I kind of feel like I am a ticking time bomb. I feel that at any moment now, I could drop dead. it is very scary.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Yeah, it's scary. Everyone in my family has high blood pressure, so I'm probably next in the line-up. But I know it's treatable too.

    Part of it still might be related to stress, combined with the fact that you've been so sick lately. I hope you find a doc though, so you can get checked out and get on meds if that's what you need.
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I think it's actually good you are scared, despite the feeling not being nice, because it shows that inside you are still fighting despite you being in a lot of emotional pain.

    I hope that you manage to see a doc and that they can help you work to control this.

    Please keep us updated.
  4. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    There is a part of me that doesnt want to get well. That suicidal part, that depression part that tells me to just say screw it and let nature take it's course. :sad:
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    But you're scared. So there's a part of you that DOES want to get well.

    I hope you'll see a doc. And there are ways you can try to bring it down too. I've paid close attention to what the docs have told people in my family ... I know regular exercise can help bring it down a lot, or watching salt intake.

    You've already made it through so much and fought so hard; you've got to keep fighting!
  6. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend


    that is HIGH. and that is scary. you are way too young to 'let nature take it's course'. . ..

    you are young enough, fps, that your body can repair the damage. it's not too late. but you will (here's the nagging part) (just cuz i care....) have to take a few steps to help it along.
    you know, all the steps.
    healthy food. exercise. cut back a bit on the drinking.
    would be nice if you could stop smoking, but i am not going there. i never smoked so i don't know how difficult it is to quit. dad said toughest thing ever, though.

    it is time to start taking loving care of yourSELF. you are worth it, life is worth it, you are young and can build yourself a new life honey. but you need your health to do it.
    try just a small step today. have a healthier lunch. treat yourself to some tender loving care hon - :hug:
  7. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    And it's not just the salt thing or the exercise that I have to do. I also have to break my addictions; alcohol and nicotine.

    Just to show how pathetically fucked up I am, after that appointment at the clinic last night, when I stopped to gas up my car I bought booze. I am already thinking of buying more booze tonight.

    And quitting drinking will be easier for me than quitting smoking. :sad:
  8. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    yea i am dead to, when a man loses his sex drive there is no purpose for him to go on at least at my age, and no this isnt a psychological thing
  9. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Speaking of that, I am scared to get to an erection now.
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You can beat this. Breaking your addictions won't be easy, but you can do it. Just start slow ... cut back a little on the smoking; don't go out and buy more booze. Just take small steps to take better care of yourself.
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