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..i don't know anymore.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jae, Aug 4, 2014.

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  1. Jae

    Jae Well-Known Member

    ..i feel empty..lost..tired...funny i'm not sure what my problem is..maybe i am just looking for attention...or i am just playing with you... :courage:

    ...i feel so alone so i try to socialize with others but it feels like they are criticizing me..as if they are rating what kind of person i am...i am hanging with my old friends but it also feels like they are being nice to me because that's how it is supposed to be...like they i am with them so they must care....family?...i live with my family...but i dont really feel like having one..coz you see...i am some sort of a loner...i dont talk much..and i usually bottled up my emotions.....i tried talking to my mom about how i see my life...i but it seems that she's not interested so i stopped...

    ....things at work dont go so well either..well,..everything in my life seems not to go well.. :D ...i am always under pressure...it is a common scene that my boss yells at me...sometimes i do think of doing "it" in front of my boss....my some sort of revenge for her...for all the things she told me...others always tells that i should have more patience since my boss is an old lady..but most of the time..she talks too much...and it hurts me too much..

    ..am i bad wanting to die?..is it?..i tried it before but i failed...i always fail..and i try to endure all the after effects alone...coz i cant tell anyone.. :untroubled: .if im gone...i bet not much people will notice right?..and then all of them will just move on..i keep on pretending that things are getting better..i am trying to change myself....but it seems that the harder i try..the deeper i am sinking...

    ....so you think that i should see an expert?..a doctor?..but seeing one would make me feel even worse....it will be as if i am branded with an unknown label..i would feel even more different....

    ...i read somewhere that person do suicide not because they want to end life..but because they want to end the pain...
  2. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    We don't know either. But we don't judge people who don't know. I don't think feelings cause you to be "bad."

    I do think going to the doctor is a good idea, if you have difficult emotions that don't go away on their own.

    As for "labeling," no one will really know what "label" is arrived at between you and a professional, unless you reveal that information to them. At least in casual, everyday life this is true. It is possible for a determined background researcher to uncover it, say via insurance billing codes. It is also possible that a court could subpoena medical or psychological data which are otherwise privileged. These future possibilities could matter, if you became a candidate for an important job, a political office, or got involved in a lawsuit or criminal case. But the risk of being adversely affected by a label is fairly low as far as I can tell. It shouldn't keep you from seeking help if you need it.

    Best wishes. You always deserve the best.

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If your go to a therapist you do not need to get a label to be treated ok just go and treatment to help you feel better
    a therapist will talk to you and help you heal and change your way of thinking a bit but no labels are needed let them know that upfront.
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    never be too quick to judge the thoughts and intentions of other people. you are not a mind reader and you don't know what they are thinking. you will be surprised, they actually love you.
  5. Jae

    Jae Well-Known Member

    ..i am afraid of the test results...what if there is really something wrong with me?....i already feel like an outcast..what more if i got some bad results??....i seems like i am already a weird person....i dont wanna be more weirder...

    ..i feel like people treat me so lightly...yes i cant read mind...maybe i am just too paranoid...but IT IS WHAT I FEEL....like i am surrounded by fakes..

    ..im sorry for being close minded...i dont know...that's all i can say..i keep on trying to grip tightly..but i dont know how long...i want to tell others what i feel...but im afraid...they might leave me..
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Attention is not always a bad thing. Looking for attention can be a good thing if you feel you need help and you have a right to do so. I don't think you would be labelled as such if you went to a doctor. In fact here they often don't want to actually say what your diagnosis is so you won't feel labelled although it is usually documented I suppose in case anything shall happen to you. I would definitely see a doctor if I were you. It is a step forward =)
  7. Jae

    Jae Well-Known Member

    ...guess i am just tried...
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