Right now I feel a little lost. I don't know why but i feel lost. Out of this week i think i was officially happy only 2 days. This isn't right Breathing seems harder every day, breathing sees like a chore. I don't know what I can do to make this feeling go away. I dont know how. Nothing, absolutely nothing seems to help. i'm sorry im posting so much. How can one person possibly fix things when they don't seem fixable? All I seem to do is fuck things up?! Everything I do, everything I say. So many nights I lay awake thinking of how to make things right, no help at all Right now, i feel hopeless, helpless, empty...i dont know how to explain it. It's such a mess now at my house, i hate the situation I'm in. Partly it has to do with my brother but its the constant nagging too. People think it's okay to walk all over me, to use me as their personal doormat Looking back, all I see is that. A doormat, someone to walk all over, thats it. It's all a joke. Everything I've ever done. It's just a joke. Nothing I seem to do matters to people. My family thing nothing of my pain. GOD, it's like I can't even breathe without them yelling at me for being wrong Maybe I am what my mother said I am. Maybe I am a nothing...whatever Until i gain the courage to tell her how i feel i'll always be haunted. Someday, someday i'll be able to tell her and when i do...RELEASE!!!! Coming from me it may break her, but better her than me...i suppose. Let's see, it's either I break and die..or I let loose and save myself from it. Either way, it's going to hurt someone...if not me than someone. Somehow I always end up hurting the people I'm supposed to love.