i dont know anymore

[~PinkElephants~]

Right now I feel a little lost. I don't know why but i feel lost.
Out of this week i think i was officially happy only 2 days. This isn't right
Breathing seems harder every day, breathing sees like a chore.
I don't know what I can do to make this feeling go away. I dont know how.
Nothing, absolutely nothing seems to help. i'm sorry im posting so much.
How can one person possibly fix things when they don't seem fixable?
All I seem to do is fuck things up?! Everything I do, everything I say.
So many nights I lay awake thinking of how to make things right, no help at all
Right now, i feel hopeless, helpless, empty...i dont know how to explain it.
It's such a mess now at my house, i hate the situation I'm in.
Partly it has to do with my brother but its the constant nagging too.
People think it's okay to walk all over me, to use me as their personal doormat
Looking back, all I see is that. A doormat, someone to walk all over, thats it.
It's all a joke. Everything I've ever done. It's just a joke.
Nothing I seem to do matters to people. My family thing nothing of my pain.
GOD, it's like I can't even breathe without them yelling at me for being wrong
Maybe I am what my mother said I am. Maybe I am a nothing...whatever
Until i gain the courage to tell her how i feel i'll always be haunted.
Someday, someday i'll be able to tell her and when i do...RELEASE!!!!
Coming from me it may break her, but better her than me...i suppose.
Let's see, it's either I break and die..or I let loose and save myself from it.
Either way, it's going to hurt someone...if not me than someone.
Somehow I always end up hurting the people I'm supposed to love.

 

[Terry]

Kells this conversation with your mother needs to be had. Seems you will never be able to move on from her shit till you have it out. If and when you decide to do it, I'll be around to try to make it as painless as possible.

 

[blub]

You're right kell, its hard to fix everything with just one person, but you it can be fixed, you need some help hun :hug: You're not nothing, you're so much more. And hurt is part of life, they have hurted you all the time, you really need to stand up for yourself. And I know it sucks if someone get hurt, but they will get over it, you need to think about yourself, because this situation isnt working for you. I want kells to be happy more, so if i can do something, just ask :hug:

 

[Robin]

When we are low we have to make sure we don't send out subtle invites to others to walk all over us, we feel worthless as it is but we also seek to validate those feelings and therein lies a danger. Trouble is, there is a fine line between asserting yourself and losing your temper and mentally ill people just aren't equipped to see that line sometimes.

You are a lovely person though, don't let idiots drag you down, not only are you really nice but you have worth too, you are not dirt because they treat you so, their hands are filthy and it's only a matter of time before they can no longer blame you for the filth that they carry with them.