I don't know anymore.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ~CazzaAngel~, Feb 1, 2008.

  1. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I am so frustrated.. It's not easy for me to live with all that has happened to me and with the flashbacks it happens again and again, but I'm really terrified into thinking I HAVE to kill myself. I see no other way, I'm tired and I'm worn down and falling apart it's not so easy anymore it's not just wanting to die, it's feeling I have to die which makes it harder to stay alive.

    I've officially got people mad at me if not hate me. I'm sorry I have hit 16 attempts and 2 in the last week. I know I'm broken and messed up. I know it but I don't know what to do anymore, and I know people have a valid reason to be mad and frustrated with me but it's not easy on me either.


    I am tired 22 years of so much pain and deceit and being a victim of life. I was born in pain then more happened and more and even now I have to live with the horror of it all. It tore me to pieces and I tried holding them together but they are slipping away.

    I'm terrified, and I know it doesn't matter to anyone, but I'm more terrified now than I ever have been and I know what is going on people don't believe, that it's not real, the things that I was forced to believe aren't real, but they are, to me they are, it doesn't make sense, but I'm scared for my life, for all that is suppose to happen, for all that he said would happen to me.

    I told some of what he said never to tell, and they are after me.

    WHY???????? DAMNIT. I CAN'T TAKE IT!

    And everything is falling apart. I have no options, none that I see. What should I do? wait for these awful things to happen? or save myself and die? I can't make everyone happy either way anything I do!

    :cry: :cry: :cry:
  2. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    *Runs to hug Carolyn* :hug: Hang in there!
  3. butterfly12274

    butterfly12274 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for you. I don't know what to say. I...
    Life is so unfair :(, please take care. Noone deserves something like that :(
    Oh well, :hug: for you lots of them!
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Stands in the way and takes out any bastard that wants some :hug:
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Carolyn, I'm so sorry that you are suffering so. I wish I could just take it all away. Please turn to the love and support from all the friends you have here and let them try to help you through this. It isn't easy, but you need to stay focused now and find all the strength you can muster to beat this. x's and o's and much love to you dear.
  6. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    :hug: carolyn
  7. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    sorry to hear you are feeling so bad, i hope things get better for you :hug: