I don't know anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kiwiguy, Apr 24, 2009.

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  1. kiwiguy

    kiwiguy Member

    I just found this forum from googling suicide,
    it's definatly not the first time i've contemplated suicide but i feel this is the end for me. Drug's have played a big part in my life, especially amphetamine's. For about a year now i havn't touched them but from the amount i have done it has permanently taken something away from me. It's like i don't care about anything or anyone anymore. I still think im a nice guy, but that's what's hurting me the most! It's like im completely blind to how i actually treat people. People that have known me for more than a day avoid talking to me again.. I don't have friend's, and since i stopped using i don't have aquaintance's either..and day after day it's getting worse.. My family wont talk to me because ive only just bothered to start seeing them now..I just lost my job and don't have good reference for another one.. Money is running out and im fearing i may end up homeless with so much money owing.. The saddest thing is i feel like killing myself will be another 'selfish' thing on my part.. I'm so lost
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    First of all, welcome to the site. I hope you can find help and support here.

    You should be proud of yourself for being clean the past year. That's awesome, and I know it's not easy.

    I'm around if you ever want to talk; you can PM me anytime.
  3. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Hey Kiwiguy, welcome SF. :) I hope you hang in there long enough so we can get to know you.
    You did a positive thing staying away from drugs for a whole year, be proud!
    Sorry to hear you're suffering so much, stay and let us support you.
  4. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Believe me when I tell you that I've been in exactly the same place a couple of times in my life, due specifically to drugs. Lost most friends, family blew me off, etc...Since I stopped, just a couple of years ago with the same type of drugs you mention, thinks have improved as far as relationships with friends and family, but I'm at an age where it would be nearly impossible to find a job, especially with the global economy in it's current state of complete meltdown. Hopefully, you're young enough to rebuild relationships, get back you self-esteem and rebuild. I'm 50 with not much hope. I have a small trust that keeps me going as long as I care for my mother who is very sickly. When she passes, I'm basically cut off and you can't reallly live in the U.S. on welfare and food stamps very well. you've probably still got plenty of time for things to work out for you.
  5. Nessa356

    Nessa356 New Member

    I'm also new to this site and i dont know what to do anynore. I constently think about suicide and about three years ago i attempted. I am 15 and i really need help.
  6. maranature

    maranature Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the site. Like one of the other posters stated, stay away from the drugs - they're just always leading you away from the right direction in life. On the other hand, if you know you're in control of yourself in regards to drugs, and can indulge occasionally, then why not. I drink occasionally but I know I can control it.

    As for your general situation, I can certainly relate as, no doubt, many on here can. If it's any consolation, you're not the only one.

    Good luck.
  7. EyesOfTheWorld

    EyesOfTheWorld Active Member

    One positive thing I can tell you is that the feeling of having "lost something" due to amphetamine use will NOT last forever. The notion of "drug induced brain damage" is mainly a scare tactic for the War On Drugs types. I am currently on opiates and probably will be for the rest of my life for medical reasons, but i also had a multi-year crack/coke/meth/amphets/anything i could get my hands on habit. Once i quit everything but opiates and alcohol, i did feel as though i had damaged myself somehow. I know i did do some damage to my lungs from smoking things (i never used needles). I had a "brain fog", like i thought i had somehow made myself stupid, that didn't lift for 2 YEARS. But, it did lift. I'm still suicidally depressed, of course, but that started long before i touched a drug.
    If you stay clean, the "brain fog" WILL lift. Trust one who's been there.
  8. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member


    What an amazing achievement in itself, a whole year!!!!! good for you!!

    i hope you find some friends here you can talk to,

    you can always pm me!
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Kiwiguy,

    Welcome to the forums.I'm glad you found us.

    Well done on quitting drugs,that must have been tough!
    I hope we can help you get through this,keep talking if it helps x
  10. kiwiguy

    kiwiguy Member

    Thank you to all that replied, to be honest i don't get that at all these days. Eyesoftheworld that comment just made my day believe me. Hopefully it is just a "brain fog", but seriously that comment struck a nerve. Good news, i found a job overseas so that weight is lifted..Hopefully will find life in me again..thank you all again
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Congrats hun and good luck :)
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