I dont know anymore :(

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thaliapage, Nov 15, 2010.

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  1. thaliapage

    thaliapage Member

    I feel so lost. I dont know what im feeling anymore. If im feeling anything at all. I dont know.
    All I know is that i want this to stop. That I am going to kill myself soon.
    But theres no emotion attached
    I dont care
    Im not scared
    Im not anything

    I just dont understand how i could have planned my death so well, and no feel anything.
    it makes me question whether there really is anthing wrong with me. That maybe im making this all up..
  2. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    No, you're not making it up, you're just numb inside. That happens. You need to get some medical help. Alternatively you could phone a crisis line or keep posting here. Tell us what got you to this stage, talking it out will help
  3. thaliapage

    thaliapage Member

    Thanks for you reply. I'm sorry if i dont make any sense.

    I dont know, I keep thinking that maybe this is what happiness is. Just to feel nothing. But then if im happy can i be wanting to end it? And it makes me think im a lier then.

    And i dont know how i got back to this. Its not like i Have a concret reason, its not like i was abused or anyhing. I just faill at this life. I dont belong here.
  4. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Yes, you do belong here and no, you're not lying.
    You have an illness which is a disability. It disables you. That's what's making you feel this way.
    If you have no reason that you can think of for the dip then it's probably a chemical imbalance in the brain. Nothing you can do about that except go and get the meds. (Or some people have had success with changing diet)
    You might not like the idea of taking meds for a mental health problem but think of it as taking pennicillen (I have no idea how to spell that, sorry) for really severe flu or something.
    Hang on through the dip and then you'll get days when you do feel happiness.
    Stay strong, get help, hang on.
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry you are feeling so awful but so glad you are sharing this with us...you belong here and you deserve to feel cared for and supported...please PM me if I can help in any way...big hugs, J
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