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I don't know anymore

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New Member
I have been supremely suicidal in the past, placed in psychiatric but never followed up with treatment. but in the last couple of years, yes there are days when things are sooooo hard, but for the most part I thought I had recovered. I lived life and things went on.. recently though... life has been a bit hard... no harder then usual, just changes in jobs me as a person etc... and one day I was driving down the highway and just thought, why not just end it all?

It would be so much easier, so much easier then trying to constantly stat afloat in a world that I'm only somewhat content in.

Tonight my bf and I broke up, I know your thinking typical reason to cry.. but all of a sudden this urge came over me again, or this thought of simply ending it. And it's weird because it's different from what I remember it to be.

When I was young and attempted, I would cry and cry and hate everything in my life and cry then do something in a form of an attempt. Now, it's almost like a calming agent. Just something that simply popped in my head that could work out well and save me a lot of stress and hard ache.

I don't know why I am feeling this way about it.. but it scares me because a part of me knows that I'm not afraid of death anymore.

Please, help me.


Staff Alumni
I wish I could do more, MsLea, but I am writing to let you know that I'm listening and know what it's like to feel suicidal. Also, I'd like to extend a kind welcome to you. With a listening ear...Alex
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