I dont know anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Maydie, Aug 27, 2012.

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  1. Maydie

    Maydie New Member

    I dont really know what im doing here.
    And I dont know if anyone understand me
    im 19 and a german girl
    Im seriously not ready to die but there are so much reasons to do it.
    Everyday i need to cry and every day i have depressions ... when im alone.
    My only friends are online and ive never met them.
    I already visit a psych.. thought i passed the depressions and i get some medications.
    i dont like to take them. Im not myself when i take them..
    And when I dont take them i know why i want to die.. like now.
    I dont wanted to take them today. im scared of myself and im thinking about so much things.
    Ive never felt so ugly like today..
    Could someone... tell me whats going on in my head ?
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...have you told your doctor your reaction to the medication and see if something else can be suggested? When we are in pain, the way we see ourselves may be not as we are...can your doctor suggest someone to talk to so s/he can clarify for you what is going on? it is very frightening to not know that...please continue to post and to find services so that you can get the relief you deserve
  3. Maydie

    Maydie New Member

    My doctor was a person for me.. i could talk to but i didnt get the feel that she really can help me.
    She did some tests and she asked me if i want in the hospital or to some therapie but i declined.
    Thought i could do it my own way because in this time everything gets better.. i found love and started my national diploma. But now i dont really feel anything.. love is gone and i dont know whats up with me. I dont know if i love anyone.
    Sometimes i got the feeling i truly hate all humans. I never felt ugly or something. Now i feel this way because people (specically girls) say that im not normal or im not like they. I should be proud to be not like them but im aint strong enough anymore.
    Hope you can understand my english
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