I don't know how can I get through it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KaleSalad, Nov 5, 2014.

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  1. KaleSalad

    KaleSalad New Member

    I hate myself. I keep making decisions that hurt me.

    And now I am hurt badly though not in physical way.

    I am stuck at home for another year because again I gave up on college.
    Because I couldn't stand being there, I was too much afraid of the unknown or whatever. I just felt like killing myself.
    I can't live with myself I hate myself I wish I wasn't such a fool and such a weak person.

    But now.
    oh God. I am so lonely AGAIN. Why did I do that ? Why couldn't I just stay with all these people there. I think I'll end this I just don't imagine myself
    staying alone again for a year.

    I live in a very small town there are no people my age here. Those who are mostly into sports/drinking while I am not at all into these things.
    I want to go back in time and slap myself so hard now. I feel STRANDED here with no hope. I am getting older and another years go by like this...because I am afraid to challenge things.

    I do not think I can handle another year alone. It might be my last because it's too much for me. I need people that are not just...letters on a screen (no offence to anyone intented). My last meeting with friends was 3 months ago and there wont be another one for another 8 months. I don't have a girlfriend I wish I had one I feel so alone nobody to share problems with. Just my mom but well she's just my mom, I am so glad I have her and she supports me but I need normal relations. I hate myself for doing this to me.

    You can say "go out, find friends, it's easy !" but you don't know me or where I live. In this place I won't find any friends. I will be alone for another year. Sad. Crying. Thinking about suicide. Last year it was bad but not nearly as bad as this year. I WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE TO FIND PEOPLE but I FUCKED IT UP I went back home because I couldn't stand that new place, it felt really painful for me to be there. And now I am here. Hurting even more.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are not the only one that finds college overwhelming in the first year many like you leave and then return next year or if you can take a few courses at a time so the stress level is not there so high talk to college see if you can do that just take a few of your courses not the whole load
     
  3. johnsm

    johnsm Member

    you want to find friends that will help you join the Army they stick together and you don't have to be one of these stereo types of a hard case to join
     
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Sign up at community college and get out of the house meet up with old friends
     
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