i dont know how much i can take :(

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by grazygal, May 25, 2011.

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  1. grazygal

    grazygal Member

    i dont know how much more i can take i feel like ending it tonite just do it and hope it doesnt fail.
    im in hospital but on home leave if i tell them they will not let me out on leave anymore.
    im just putting on a fake smile to keep everyone happy
    please help me!
    im at the end of my teather :(
  2. marmite

    marmite Active Member

    don't give up but be honest with medics so that they can help you.Be honest about your feelings to get the help you need.Please keep fighting I have in the past and it is worth it when you start to recover.Wishing you all the best.
  3. grazygal

    grazygal Member

    i dont know if i can ive always kept my feeling to myself it hard to open up i just feel so sucidal :(
  4. mr b

    mr b Member

    please dont fake your smile be honest with the medics. be honest with yourself and those you trust.
  5. grazygal

    grazygal Member

    i cant trust anyone :( i just feel i need to do this
  6. mr b

    mr b Member

    if you cant open up to real people open up to your friends on here. anything is better than what i saw today.
  7. marmite

    marmite Active Member

    I was working with someone I only knew him very briefly and he did what you are thinking of it is so sad for those left behind.My cousin committed suicide and my uncle has never forgiven himself.It is hard to tell others how you feel but it will make you feel better to let go of those feelings.If you cannot talk to a person face to face please talk on here.You could befriend me as I am new on here and I have bad days too sometimes.
  8. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    grazy gal - you cannot keep your feelings to yourself without them burying you - I mean its a weight to carry around, especially with depression.

    As for trust - I'm sorry your feeling that way but I don't what has happened in your life so cannot say whether you have seen trust betrayed.

    Either way, you can open up here because nothing you say will shock anyone. You are not alone in what you are feeling - so opening up a little here, you can have some trust because your in like minded company, kindred spirits so to speak who either are, were or will be thinking about killing themselves.

    Keep it all to yourself and suicide SEEMS like a definitive answer - like its THE answer. That is just the depression at play - a biological process not quite working right - something REAL that we'll find in DNA (already at the stage of doing it)

    So, please open up a little - share your troubles with us.

    I empathise with your suffering - but as for forcing a smile - sometimes its OK, sometimes we do pretend to be feeling OK. I walk past someone in my street and I'll say "Hello friend, how are things going" - the reply is usually "Sound, great, how is yourself then?" - to which I might honestly reply "better than some, not as good as others" or the classic 'so so'.

    But, some people really might reply to "how are you doing?" by saying "I feel like shit, what is your problem?" I'll stop and have a chat then. This really happens were I live. People are not as reserved as those in other parts of the UK we might say.

    I can chat to anyone - I mean in real life kind of chatting. From some of the younger relatives and their friends, neighbours, sometimes the epic hour or longer chat with someone from the church - older ladies, pensioners, and I'm just talking on a platonic level lest anyone thinks I'm hitting on them!

    I love some of the older people I know - I guess they are heroes to me - ordinary people perhaps, but they endured a lot and made sacrifices just so we might have a better chance. I'd feel lost without them. I hate the way society mistreats the elderly - and you have to admit, we don't have a lot of pensioners online here. Maybe they are happier than us - in fact, you can count on it!!

    Anyway, open up grazy gal - don't let the stigma's set in place by ignorant people stop you from sharing things with us.

    Don't think that nobody cares because you are (as yet) a stranger to most of us (as we are to each other) sometimes a stranger is just a friend who you have not been introduced to yet.

    Be a friend to yourself - open up and share.

    We will do likewise - but we'll be able to make some better suggestions if we know how things are with you - how it came to this in the first place.

    I for one, am here to listen to that.

    God Bless from England.
  9. chipper

    chipper Well-Known Member

    just try to take things one sec at a time. don't think about how long you need to hold on. just hold on now.

    you'd be surprised at how much courage you have. you are always more courageous than what you give yourself credit for.
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