I think I have resigned myself to the fact I don't have long left. I say goodbye to my nephews like each time is the last as I don't actually know if I will see them again. I feel talking about things makes it worse for me. Thinking about things makes it worse. I don't think counselling is working as I feel that talking about issues probably makes them worse. Were they even issues before? I really don't know how much more I can take. This episode is turning in to the longest for me. Usually just a few months and goes away and comes back. It's not going away and it's getting worse. So where to and what now?