I don't know how much more of this I can take...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Wonderstuff, Aug 11, 2007.

  1. Wonderstuff

    Wonderstuff Staff Alumni

    I'm done with pretending, posting unregistered and trying not to bother people. You can ignore this if you want. I won't hold it against you. But I just don't have anything else I can do.

    Yesterday I started seeing multicoloured spots. Sarahg was an absolute angel when I logged on here in a panic, and she phoned an optician who said he thought it was stress.
    Last night I went to bed early (1am! Early! Jeez.) and I was so paranoid, so scared of the dark, I kept looking around wildly to make sure there was no one in the room, hugged the bear tighter - yes, a few months back I started sleeping with teddy bears. I am so pathetic - and was just like whispering, chanting under my breath, trying not to panic and burst into tears.

    Today, I got up and just could not do anything. I got dressed and got onto the couch and just couldn't move. My arms and legs were so heavy. I get like that sometimes when I'm really tired but this was the worst it's ever been. My mum was out, and I just went to sleep - despite having 8 hours sleep, by the way - and I've basically just had a horrible day.
    I've had a few dizzy spells and my legs have given out a few times, sending me floorwards lol. Luckily my mum hasn't been there when it's happened!

    I don't know what to do. The least little thing is making me snap, I feel so tired all the time, even when I've just woken up, I'm fantasising about hurting myself, I'm obsessing over scraping the skin off my face and the switches, the fucking switches. My RL friend sarah is telling me I really need to see a doctor because it's clearly physical with the dizziness and spots but I don't think it is! Unless it is and it's just because I haven't been eating enough (now who would believe that? Jeez. I eat far too much) or going out enough (though I was out on Wednesday, we went to see a film and there was some walking involved). So I just don't know. I can't go and see a doctor because my mum's kidneys are getting worse and she doesn't need to be worrying about me. But I don't know what to do :(
    Please help, someone...Please.
  2. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    You don't need to tell your mum. But one way or another it sounds like you need to visit a doc... even if only to put your mind at rest.
  3. Wonderstuff

    Wonderstuff Staff Alumni

    Thanks The_evil, I guess my friend just helped me make it up into more than it is. I overreact all the time. Sorry to bother everyone.
  4. RunningAway

    RunningAway Well-Known Member


    Do visit a Doctor who can clarify whether it is physical :hug: Even if it is stress there is no reason to be ashamed of that. I would tell your mum but if you do not want to that is okay. One way or the other - at Least it is a chance to start making it better :hug:
  5. Wonderstuff

    Wonderstuff Staff Alumni

    I don't think it will make it better though. If I see a doctor there is a very high chance of my mother finding out, and I can't risk that. Also last time I went to the doctor's the guy basically said "you're just too stupid for the schoolwork you're doing and that's why you're under so much stress which is leading you to cut". Told me I didn't have depression because I could look him in the eye. I don't know what he put in my notes but I'm terrified if I go again they're going to blacklist me as a hypochondriacal timewaster and never take me seriously if something is ever seriously seriously wrong :(
  6. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni


    I'm glad Sarah was here with you, to help you with the optician :)

    I'm sorry you had to go through that with your paranoia sweetie :( ..
    Sleeping with teddy bears is fine, if it makes ya feel safer-anything that makes you get peace of mind is good - I, for example like to watch or have a TV on, as it reminds me that I'm not alone and keeps thoughts at bay that I have at times as you know, from paranoia etc.
    You're not pathetic for whispering and chanting hun, as it grounded you and kept you from panicking, which is good as it worked, I think :hug:

    The dizzy spells aren't good hun.. I think you should go to the doctors or see someone about it. :hug:

    :( - It sounds like, from your post here hun, that you're feeling stressed out and that you've had enough..
    Maybe start your counselling up at uni again, as your thoughs (scraping skin off your face etc, and fantasising about cutting) are obviously getting you down..
    I think I agree with RL Sarah, in that some of it is physical with the vision and the dizzy spells, but I'm in no way a medical professional :laugh: ..
    Even though it may worry your mum a little, I'd definitely say it's worth going to the doctors hun, as no-one here, least of all me, wants you to collapse or something, because of your dizzy spells and vision..

  7. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    are you taking any medication for your feelings Moon?
  8. Wonderstuff

    Wonderstuff Staff Alumni

    Nope. Doctor said 3 1/2 years ago I had nothing wrong, so did psychologist & psychiatrist, and uni counsellor saw me twice earlier this year and said i have control issues. That's the extent of anything.
  9. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Well I sleep with a turtle and various bears AND I leave the tv on:blink: so either we are all barmy or its nothing to worry about.
    However, the dizzy spells need to be investigated and the first port of call is a medical (sorry Hun but u needs to see a doc) if it turns out that it is not a physical problem then you can start working on bringing down your stress levels (pm me for an alternative medicine consultation:laugh:).
    If your doc is a prat, see a different one. To stop mum worrying, just tell her you want to get your eyes checked out as your vision has been a bit odd.
  10. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    I agree... as I've said hun - the dizzy thing does need to be checked out :hug:
    Terry's got a good idea with not worrying your mum :)
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Please do see someone Lauren. it would be better to put your mind at ease as to whether the dizziness and visual problems are stress related or physical. Go to a different professional if the one you are seeing is not good for you. We want you to take care of yourself as best you can hun. It does need to be looked into. :hug:
  12. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    Laur, you need to see a doc about the dizzy spells bab! please keep safe, sorry I can't be more of a help. Love ya, Mel xxxxx
  13. RunningAway

    RunningAway Well-Known Member

    Hello :hug:

    I think that you 'should' see a doctor Moonsie. Your doctor can not tell you parents or anyone else in any way shape or form about what has been said between you and them. The doctor who said the thing about looking them in the eye therefore not being depressed is talking bullshit. If you can see a different doctor - all the better. It can take a while to find the right doctor for the right person :hug: please persevere and find somebody else
  14. Wonderstuff

    Wonderstuff Staff Alumni

    It's a small town. My mum knows a lot of people who might comment on having seen me and ask if my health was bad. That way she'd be tipped off. There's really no way to circumvent that without having to tell her that I'm going. Then she'd ask all these questions.
    It's easier if I don't. Today has been a lot better, no dizziness, no spots. Very very tired still but that's not much worse than usual.
    I got an email back from the samaritans suggesting maybe worrying about my mother was making me feel worse, and did I think anything in particular was troubling me. However I think emailing them back with "I hate myself! Wah!" is a bit much so I'm just going to leave that too.
    :grouphug: Thank you for your kind replies.
  15. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    You could always try NHS Direct or 24... whichever it is in Scotland. Don't mention the stress thing just give them symptoms and see what they say.
  16. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    :hug: - I think maybe NHS 24 would be an idea hun :) - you wouldn't have to see anyone then, and you can still get an idea of what it may be that's causing the dizziness and vision problems?

    Think it over :)
  17. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Hun im so sorry!!!Your such a good friend and i didnt see this thread sooner!!!i know i havent been there for anyone recently but i really wish id seen this sooner.i know im useless but im here if you need a friend.And concerned by all the things you say here and how low you seem.i know it must have taken a lot for you to post this on SF.im so glad you did hun.Please keep us updated.How are you now hun?Take care.kath
  18. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    You dont have to answer but im wondering how you are now hun and just to say your in my thoughts.No pressure to reply though.
  19. Darkness N Light

    Darkness N Light Staff Alumni

    Hey sweetie I am so sorry that your feeling all this. I would like to suggest that please you still think on going to the doctors because even if you didn't see any spots or get dizzy that you still need to be seen. Yes, it does seem like stress could be playing a big part of it. I wish that you didn't feel like your are bothering all of us by coming to us and posting this. You are not a bother at all sweetheart. I love you and I am here for you and from the post I have read so is everyone else. We all love you and think about you and care about you that we do not want to see anything happen to you.
    If I could take away your pain I would and I am sure so would many others. Sweetheart, I am so sorry that you are going through this all alone well technically not alone because you have all of us pulling for you but I am sorry that you feel like you can't tell your mom. You are in my thoughts and you are in my prayers. If you ever need to talk feel free to pm me and I will get back to you as soon as I get it. And please do not think that your bothering me if you do decide to pm me. You are never a bother to me sweetheart. Take care and I love you sweetheart. Please remember that if nothing else gets through to you on what I said. :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss

    With Love,
    Crystal :hug: :cheekkiss