Well, as in my title I don't know how much of a crisis this is... But I'm going to be alone for the next week my fiance is away on a trip and I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of possibly hurting myself while alone. I haven't been feeling to depressed, but I have a fear in the back of my mind always... What if I do and I can't get a hold of her?
I don't know how much of a crisis this is but...
- Thread starter Yati
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s*Hi Yati,
I’ve just read some of your other posts…
You know you have so much to live for: You graduated from college; you have a fiance who loves you for who you are and you also love her very much; you have a loving supporting family, you are young… I love the quote you chose for your signature here: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”…
I feel you are a beautiful human being. I really do. I used to find it hard to forgive myself, too. I have finally realized that guilt does no good to anyone. All it did was to make me get lost in the past…feeling bad about myself…ignoring what was actually happening at the present time…then more unsatisfied feelings against myself...then not treating others with presence…like a real bad circle kept on going… The truth is that we can only truly love others when we unconditionally accept and love ourselves...
When we forgive ourselves, we are more kind and gentle towards others as well. I’m sure your mother would love you to forgive yourself, for yourself, and for her as well, because you can then truly be kind to both your mom and yourself when you truly forgive yourself. Can you imagine how your mom would feel if you hurt yourself instead of forgiving yourself?
Your fiance is strong and she needs to feel her strength. Your allowing her to be the way she is and loving her just the way she is - is probably the most helpful thing she needs from you now. She knows that you are there for her. She may not say it, but you know how much it means to her…
Do not label yourself as “a socially inept person”. Our society itself is quite sick in many ways. A beautiful person like you feeling the way you feel is actually one of the failures of the society… Yes, in a way, you are more sane than many so called “normal” people… I say this from a deep place in my heart… I can almost say that your doctor may be more "sick" in a way. If your doctor is not helpful, maybe you are better off without him?
You said to another member in another thread: “I thought there was something wrong with me for years, but as the years have past wonderful things have happened to me.” It helps that you remember this…
Maybe you will find the book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle helpful (maybe you can read it next week - reading a good book is like talking to a good friend
). (The author Eckhart used to be suicidal but now lives a real peaceful life.) Here is a link to free download of the book in PDF (see page 8 for the story about his suicidal experience):
http://www.holybooks.com/wp-content/uploads/The-Power-Of-Now-EckhartTolle.pdf
Also, here is a video clip:
Your Thoughts Make You Suffer ~ Eckhart Tolle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_eASmGTd00
Here is another video clip I invite you to watch:
Forgiveness and the Freedom of Letting go
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D4VMZb8wLY&feature=fvsr
Wish you well!
I’ve just read some of your other posts…
You know you have so much to live for: You graduated from college; you have a fiance who loves you for who you are and you also love her very much; you have a loving supporting family, you are young… I love the quote you chose for your signature here: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”…
I feel you are a beautiful human being. I really do. I used to find it hard to forgive myself, too. I have finally realized that guilt does no good to anyone. All it did was to make me get lost in the past…feeling bad about myself…ignoring what was actually happening at the present time…then more unsatisfied feelings against myself...then not treating others with presence…like a real bad circle kept on going… The truth is that we can only truly love others when we unconditionally accept and love ourselves...
When we forgive ourselves, we are more kind and gentle towards others as well. I’m sure your mother would love you to forgive yourself, for yourself, and for her as well, because you can then truly be kind to both your mom and yourself when you truly forgive yourself. Can you imagine how your mom would feel if you hurt yourself instead of forgiving yourself?
Your fiance is strong and she needs to feel her strength. Your allowing her to be the way she is and loving her just the way she is - is probably the most helpful thing she needs from you now. She knows that you are there for her. She may not say it, but you know how much it means to her…
Do not label yourself as “a socially inept person”. Our society itself is quite sick in many ways. A beautiful person like you feeling the way you feel is actually one of the failures of the society… Yes, in a way, you are more sane than many so called “normal” people… I say this from a deep place in my heart… I can almost say that your doctor may be more "sick" in a way. If your doctor is not helpful, maybe you are better off without him?
You said to another member in another thread: “I thought there was something wrong with me for years, but as the years have past wonderful things have happened to me.” It helps that you remember this…
Maybe you will find the book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle helpful (maybe you can read it next week - reading a good book is like talking to a good friend
). (The author Eckhart used to be suicidal but now lives a real peaceful life.) Here is a link to free download of the book in PDF (see page 8 for the story about his suicidal experience):http://www.holybooks.com/wp-content/uploads/The-Power-Of-Now-EckhartTolle.pdf
Also, here is a video clip:
Your Thoughts Make You Suffer ~ Eckhart Tolle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_eASmGTd00
Here is another video clip I invite you to watch:
Forgiveness and the Freedom of Letting go
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D4VMZb8wLY&feature=fvsr
Wish you well!
I agree. You have so much to live for, but I sympathise as although I've made a achievements in my life I still despair of this life. It makes us feel somewhat ungrateful but I've come to understand that it isn't our fault, we can't help it. With doctors who are anything but helpful, makes things soo much harder so like lovebeing said you are better off without him. I also think it's such an advantage that you are aware of being alone and what that might bring and so you can recognise if things start to go pete tong, as it were. If things do go wrong then use this site and we will help you all we can. X
I'm actually writing a novel now and I'm writing a character with feelings much to my own. I'm finding a way for him to heal himself, and hopefully it may shed some light for myself.
I've spent the last two days at my parents to try to not be alone. I have only had one really issue with my depression, I was going around to different garage sales with my mom to buy furniture of the apartment, and as a side note I've lost some weight. I put my hand out the window while we were driving down a busy street and my Engineering ring fell off and we couldn't find it. I had a bit of a freak out about it, but my mom helped me not to be down on myself. I thank her dearly for that. As further note an engineering ring in the US is just a stainless steal band to go on your pinkie finger, which isn't that expensive but it had a personal value to myself. I went to go buy another one at the mall and had to have it ordered in, my mom just sort of stepped in front of me when it came to pay, and she just bought me another ring. I'm going to get it engraved to remind me of her.
I'm a geek and include steam engines in the novel, also, a lot of characters are engineers. This stemming mainly from being a Computer Science Engineer and my dad being a Draftsman designing machines for a living. I find myself light at heart describing machines, there are other influences, such as the villain himself being something that I had a nightmare about as a child. I'm trying to give parts of myself in it and people that I know.
To think of it I went into the field I did in school because I love computers and electronics, and my Dad never got the opportunity to finish a bachelors degree. Not making him a full engineer and he always wanted an engineering ring. He has driven me as I look at my life, I started drawing machines in the novel and maps, doing it all very quickly and detailed, the drawings being drafts. I kind of stunned my dad how fast and accurate I can draw without drawing tools and doing everything by eye.
There is one other thing that is an up for today because I had a company contact me, and do a phone interview today. All be it not in my field, but still they reached out and found an interest in myself. The man over the phone said he was impressed from what I had to say about myself, and I have a second in person interview on this Thursday.
I've spent the last two days at my parents to try to not be alone. I have only had one really issue with my depression, I was going around to different garage sales with my mom to buy furniture of the apartment, and as a side note I've lost some weight. I put my hand out the window while we were driving down a busy street and my Engineering ring fell off and we couldn't find it. I had a bit of a freak out about it, but my mom helped me not to be down on myself. I thank her dearly for that. As further note an engineering ring in the US is just a stainless steal band to go on your pinkie finger, which isn't that expensive but it had a personal value to myself. I went to go buy another one at the mall and had to have it ordered in, my mom just sort of stepped in front of me when it came to pay, and she just bought me another ring. I'm going to get it engraved to remind me of her.
I'm a geek and include steam engines in the novel, also, a lot of characters are engineers. This stemming mainly from being a Computer Science Engineer and my dad being a Draftsman designing machines for a living. I find myself light at heart describing machines, there are other influences, such as the villain himself being something that I had a nightmare about as a child. I'm trying to give parts of myself in it and people that I know.
To think of it I went into the field I did in school because I love computers and electronics, and my Dad never got the opportunity to finish a bachelors degree. Not making him a full engineer and he always wanted an engineering ring. He has driven me as I look at my life, I started drawing machines in the novel and maps, doing it all very quickly and detailed, the drawings being drafts. I kind of stunned my dad how fast and accurate I can draw without drawing tools and doing everything by eye.
There is one other thing that is an up for today because I had a company contact me, and do a phone interview today. All be it not in my field, but still they reached out and found an interest in myself. The man over the phone said he was impressed from what I had to say about myself, and I have a second in person interview on this Thursday.
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That’s great, Yati - the opportunity for a second interview is a very good sign…
hehe…I know about the engineering ring…my husband has one, too :wink:
It’s nice to see that you are appreciating what you have in your life now - way to go!
If you can enjoy whatever you do in the process such as writing the novel, etc, you are successful already, no matter what the results are...
All the best to you and your loved ones!
hehe…I know about the engineering ring…my husband has one, too :wink:
It’s nice to see that you are appreciating what you have in your life now - way to go!
If you can enjoy whatever you do in the process such as writing the novel, etc, you are successful already, no matter what the results are...
All the best to you and your loved ones!
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