I don't know how to ask.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ep-hoth, Oct 5, 2010.

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  1. ep-hoth

    ep-hoth New Member

    I don't want to get too deep into alot of my background, my age, what I've been through with people I don't know. Yes. I've been considering suicide for a few weeks now. Even found myself researching it. My main reason for joining is the fact that I need the bravery to talk to someone I know and trust about it; my mother.

    To put it simply, I fear telling her because of her reaction. When I was younger I was on and off with self harm. Mainly just cutting. Each time I found out her reaction was quite negative. Don't get me wrong, my mum is amazing. She's one of the most amazing people I know, and would never want to go out of her way to hurt me. But she just doesn't know how to react when it's something this severe. First time she found scars on my leg, there was alot of yelling and shouting. The second time the cutting was brought up, she completely shut down and when I told her I was doing a few months ago; hoping that talking would make me want to stop, I got the biggest guilt trip of my life.

    I don't know how to find it in me to sit her down and tell her how much of a pathetic human being I am and tell her that when I try to see myself even three years from now I see absolutely nothing. Nothing makes me happy anymore and all I can think about is ending it.

    I admittedly feel kind of stupid posting this.
    And a little afraid someone I know will find this and start problems with the people I know.
    But it's all I have left, and I'm hoping it'll help somehow.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    HI and welcome...I think before talking to someone, we should know what we want to get out of the interaction...what are you asking of your mother? Maybe by focusing upon that, it may be easier to engage her in a conversation...hope this is helpful and welcome again, J
  3. ep-hoth

    ep-hoth New Member

    To be honest, I have no idea what I want to get out of the interaction.
    I've just been feeling like if I tell her, she might have some advice. Or like atleast telling her would be able to stop me from actually going and doing it. The main part that makes me feel like ending it all is the fact that nobody I know actually knows how horrible I feel, no one knows what I feel like I'm coming to.

    Idk if that even makes sense to be honest. I'm probably being silly.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You need to be talking to a professional someone that is able to help you someone that is not so attached emotions won't be involved. You need to talk to a councillor or phone your doctor tell abt depression your thoughts
    get on medication get therapy. You did great reaching out here as there is alot of people who will understand Your mother is not able to handle your pain she does not have it in her right now. Call crisis line or talk to someone you trust like a teacher okay a relative Sometimes a parent does not know what to do to help so you need to phone okay someone who can understand
  5. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    You are not being silly. Not at all.
    It is often helpful, when you can find others, or at least some one person, who hears and understands the best they can, what you are feeling/experiencing or going through.

    Finding someone in your life, someone you know, would be ideal. You may end up needing a therapist or group therapy in order to obtain this. as many people have no personal experience in this area, which means it's difficult for them to truly understand. Also, many folks just don't know how to deal with or cope with these types of thoughts/feelings and are even scared when others express them.

    BUT, you are not alone in what you are feeling. If you read through the forum, likely you'll find others with similar feelings/experiences. Chances are good you'll find someone here, who can actually relate to, and understand you. It's worth a bit of effort, reaching out and talking to folks here.

    Also, you can keep talking here in this thread. Perhaps get some of those feelings out and share them with us.

    **hug** for you
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