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I don't know how to carry on. last ditch attempt at finding some hope.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Broken-Butterfly76, Mar 2, 2016.

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  1. Broken-Butterfly76

    Broken-Butterfly76 New Member

    Where to start? I've had a rocky life, messed up family dynamics, alcohol and drug abuse and made many mistakes. All that changed when I met my husband 12 years ago. He picked me up, gave me hope, cured my depression (almost) and loved every inch of me. I've been treated like a princess and put on a pedestal. Two years ago, we adopted a beautiful 6 year old boy. Our family, complete. Last week I get some horrifying news that I don't feel able to cope with. Here is a copy of a message I sent to the 3rd party in our marriage this morning. A 24 year old boy he met less than 3 months ago.

    I don't know you and have nothing against you personally. But you are the person, like this or not, who is responsible for the break up of my very happy 12 year relationship & marriage. We have a 6 year old son together. He's adopted and could do without any more upset in his life. His Dad doesn't care about that so I'm sure you won't. You are enabling this madness. X and I are well and truly over. I can barely be in the same room as him. What he's done disgusts me to the core. Just be aware that when you're entertaining him, spending the night with him, whatever it is that you're doing, that he's still a married man and a father. And until you came along, a real family man. A father to not just one, but three children. Two of which are almost as old as you are and have already been through the horror of a break up with their parents once. I hope you can live happily together in the knowledge of what you are jointly responsible for. I doubt X even realises yet what a devastating impact all of this is going to have on his life and the people he professes to care about. He's suddenly gone from the most caring and selfless person I have ever known, to the most selfish. You've barely even begun your life, X is 48 in a few weeks time. I'm not making any apology for sending this to you. It's important that you know what you're getting involved in. You shouldn't be allowed to sit back and enjoy him without knowing the hurt and chaos that this has created. I don't know if you know the truth or not. X has done nothing but lie to me so when he says you know everything, I can't believe that I'm afraid. If he's truly needing time to find himself, come out, whatever it might be, then he certainly doesn't need your influence while he sorts his head out. I'm done with him. I've cried my tears and I'm moving on. I just feel it's important that you have some idea about what you and he have caused. I've made my feelings crystal clear on what will happen with our son going forward in terms of your involvement. And just to reiterate, there will be NO involvement with you. No meetings, no days out, nothing. So if he wants to continue to be a father to our son then that is going to have to remain entirely separate from you and you will not be a part of that. Not while I am still breathing.

    This is my strong facade. I'm doing what I do best. Being strong, appearing to cope. Trying to be the understanding wife. But I hate him. For what he's done. He made me trust him and now he's destroyed me. I don't want to fix it. I don't want to fix anything. I'm so tired of life and just want a way out. I think it may have been worse if he left me for another woman, I don't know. And really it doesn't matter. I am broken, bereft and found this site while planning my escape. I'm working on the three day rule. Any insight can only help at this point. I have reached the end of the line. Thank you for listening X
  2. Fluffypingu

    Fluffypingu Safety and Support SF Supporter

    huge hugs hun keep strong u can do this anytime u need to talk and I'm online please feel free to pm me also welcome to the fourm my name is aimee
  3. Deety

    Deety SF Supporter

    I am so sorry to hear you are dealing with heartbreak. Your son needs you now more than ever, you can get through this for him. I have been in a similar situation, my husband who I was with for 17 years had an affair with someone I thought was a close friend and broke up our family (2 young sons) for her. I was devastated, became depressed and was actively suicidal for some time. Please get counselling or any other kind of help asap, and you don't need to go through this alone. If nothing else, everybody on this forum will be here for you. Hugs to you, keep safe.
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am sorry to hear your husband has been cheating on you and what has happened.

    Please try to stay strong. As Deety said, your son is going to need you now.

    Have you had any therapy to deal with all of this mess? It would do you good to get some counseling on how to try to move forward.

    Please feel free to rant here and reach out. My inbox is always open!
  5. Broken-Butterfly76

    Broken-Butterfly76 New Member

    Thank you both for your kind words. Everything just seems hopeless and pointless. I actually don't want to fix it. I feel I am done with living. Three months ago he bought me an eternity ring and asked if we could renew our vows. Then he went to a party and this is the result. He has changed beyond recognition. He even talks differently. He was the guy everyone could rely on. My saviour. What a joke.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the forum, I am sorry to hear about what happened, just know we are here for you to comfort you through the very difficult time. Time heals pain, I hope you feeling a bit better soon, keep us updated please, because we care!! :)
  7. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I know you are down but you have to be strong when you are down. Be strong for the family which I know deep down you are. Keep strong and keep posting.
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Hi and welcome to the site.
    I'm so sorry for what you're dealing with right now. You don't have to be understanding toward him, or support him... but your son does need you. You're probably the person he's going to count on right now. I know that's a lot to deal with when you must feel like you don't want to keep going. But please keep trying, for yourself and for your son. Is therapy an option for you? It could give you another outlet to talk things out and find constructive ways of dealing with your feelings.
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