I don't know how to handle it anymore

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by 4l13n, Mar 10, 2013.

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  1. 4l13n

    4l13n New Member

    Perhaps, I will begin by saying some things about myself. I am 23, male and I live in Sweden, I am very shy and the slightest thing may set me into a very depressed state. I work night-shifts and live alone, I have no family in the country and I have not had a girlfriend since I was about 16. I have very limited hopes for my future.

    I have been contemplating taking my own life for a long time, but something has always stopped me. I have begun to feel that what has held me back is no longer as strong as it was before, and I suspect that the urge to end it all will prove too strong in the near future.

    I had an extremely exciting time last year, when I began to work out, changed my eating habits, and moved to another City for a couple of months. I think this quite possibly was the happiest time since my childhood. I felt like I could conquer the world. Slowly but surely this euphoria left me and I fell into the worst part of my life, where I still am now. Only now, it gets twice as hard every week. I have quit working out, and I drink heavily. My apartment looks like a garbage pile, and I find no energy to clean it.

    Everyday when I have to go outside, I put on a different personality and a big smile. When I get back home I make sure the curtains are down, and the door is firmly locked.

    I have begun hurting myself again, and force myself to vomit today after binge-eating McDonald's.

    For me there is no point of it anymore, I've tried fighting it but I have proven to be too weak.

    Writing this post is the biggest outreach I've ever done.
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi. Great job recahing out. I am sorry you are in so much pain. Very difficult. I think you have come to the right place. SF is a good and safe place. Many people who come here have been helped to feel better. For me, its important to be heard, to help and to have community. It does help. So I am glad you are here !
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun sorry you are in such pain right now depression hun is an illness and if you can hun please reach out to a doctor just to get some help to pull you out ok
    even if you have to take medication for a short time it will help you hun to get back to that feeling you once felt You felt it once you can feel happiness again ok
    Please hun know we understand we do and there is hope so please reach out for YOU and get support you need ok call your doctor hugs
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi 4l13n - so glad you have found SF - I agree with the others' advice - community does help, and writing out all of your feelings anonymously really does help too :) Being heard is very important, and being here helps us to learn skills and gain insights about looking after ourselves mentally and emotionally. Welcome, please stay and join in :)
  5. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    Im soooo sorry your i so much emotional pain right now hugs to you. firstly don't harm yourself it's not worth it!
    Secondly do you have any support out there like friends, family, neighbours and mh professionals, it would be getting in touch with your crisis team/mental health and close family and friends, you need them for support. When you come home from work, can you change your routine a little bit?
    just start making little changes but please i would urge you to get help asap frm hospital if your in crisis or you are in danger of severely harming yourself.
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