Perhaps, I will begin by saying some things about myself. I am 23, male and I live in Sweden, I am very shy and the slightest thing may set me into a very depressed state. I work night-shifts and live alone, I have no family in the country and I have not had a girlfriend since I was about 16. I have very limited hopes for my future. I have been contemplating taking my own life for a long time, but something has always stopped me. I have begun to feel that what has held me back is no longer as strong as it was before, and I suspect that the urge to end it all will prove too strong in the near future. I had an extremely exciting time last year, when I began to work out, changed my eating habits, and moved to another City for a couple of months. I think this quite possibly was the happiest time since my childhood. I felt like I could conquer the world. Slowly but surely this euphoria left me and I fell into the worst part of my life, where I still am now. Only now, it gets twice as hard every week. I have quit working out, and I drink heavily. My apartment looks like a garbage pile, and I find no energy to clean it. Everyday when I have to go outside, I put on a different personality and a big smile. When I get back home I make sure the curtains are down, and the door is firmly locked. I have begun hurting myself again, and force myself to vomit today after binge-eating McDonald's. For me there is no point of it anymore, I've tried fighting it but I have proven to be too weak. Writing this post is the biggest outreach I've ever done.