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I don't know how to make the pain stop.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by amk, Jun 18, 2012.

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  1. amk

    amk New Member

    First off, I don't think I am suicidal, I just have the thoughts and want them to stop.

    Five days ago, my wife of 12 years told me she isn't sure about what she wants anymore and is considering leaving me. This blindsided me so much that I am still reeling. I am so madly in love with her and the thought of being without my best friend is too much to bear. She is my rock, mysoulmate and my everything.

    I have no other real issues. Work is stressful, but I am a Police Officer, so it's kinda to be expected. I have a son, who I love with all my heart. He is why I am here. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I just don't know how to stop having these thoughts. I just want this horrible pain to end. It's more than I am set up to handle.

    How can I make it stop?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    That is such hard news to take in hun I do hope you get some therapy to help you stop the pain inside There are excellent therapist hun who can help Please reach out to them ok
    Perhaps marriage council ling would help both you and your wife reconnect Your son will always need you hun so please make sure you get the help you need now. hugs
  3. Sea Sparkles

    Sea Sparkles Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, she has said that... possibly there is a way to work it out. Does she feel your working to many hours? Does she feel neglected? Can you ask her why she decided to say what she did.... It might be not as bad as it seems, but more of a cry on her end for help, to work it out (if there is anything going on).

    Sometimes people go threw a mid life crisis where they feel they have not gotten to do x in there life, and do some crazy things, and if that is what she is doing, there might not be a way to stop here... and she'll just have to make that mistake an fall on what she made...

    I'm so sorry your so hurt over it, I can imagine the hurt feeling. :hug:
    1) Try talking to her/ working it out.
    2) Worry about yourself, if you feel that you can't handle life anymore... reach out to someone, family.... a friend.. someone you work with... heck, even an in-law that you are close with!!!
    Hotlines can help you sort things out too.

    Talking really does help get it off your chest.... I advice you not to try to "self medicate" as it might make the feelings worse. Just remember, your son needs you, too.

    Things will be Okay and it might seem like it's crashing down now, but they gets better.

    Take care-
  4. amk

    amk New Member

    She wrote a long letter telling me that she isn't happy, but that it has nothing to do with me. She says there is nothing I can do and it's all on her. She is emotionless around me as if we are strangers. I feel so alone and hopeless. Seeking help in person is not possible because of my job (I would be removed and placed on admin suspension and my gun/badge would be taken). I don't want to hurt myself or anyone else, I just want this overwhelming hurt to end. I just don't know how because my wife/best friend won't talk to me. She says "don't ask me stuff, you can't do anything. It's so cold here, now.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You can get therapy marriage councilling that is not frowned upon and anything else life therapy it has to be kept confidential if you go to a private therapist I don't see w hy she would not agree to couple therapy it would benefit both of you
  6. Sea Sparkles

    Sea Sparkles Well-Known Member

    Okay. ((hugs!))

    Still talking to anyone (even if you don't want to harm yourself) and have over welmeing pain, still helps a lot to let it out and see people supporting you around.

    You need to tell her she needs to tell you whats going on as you have a son with her, and that something needs to be clear.... When you have kids involved, (from the age 9 up!) they feel they are the reason the parents broke up ect.. and can be hard on them , too! :/

    As total said, see if she will do the therapy group with you (yes, I went threw what you said above....)
  7. amk

    amk New Member

    Thank-you all for the kind words. I plan to seek assistance through counseling soon. I will continue to use this forum as an outlet as well. I don't know if it is providence or coincidence, but I am dealing with the family of a suicide victim tonight. Seeing this up close is sobering and I realize need help before the next time I am feeling hopeless and having those dark thoughts.

    Thank-you for listening.
  8. Sea Sparkles

    Sea Sparkles Well-Known Member


    That is always hard to go threw, watching people in pain over someone they lost, and they feel so helpless, and wished they could of stopped it before it happened-- I guess, that can diffidently be a big reality check!!

    counseling sounds good, IMO ... a lot of people should seek counseling it's a good outlet, forums is also a good outlet.
  9. amk

    amk New Member

    Who would have thought it'd be so difficult to get counseling... I called 5 different counselors/companies and they are all booked solid for a month or more OR not accepting new patients.

    Getting help shouldn't be this hard. Guess I'll just put "The Chain" on repeat and cry.
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