Recently i've been feeling down because my problem is getting worse, i'm becoming alone, and i dont know what to do. Me and my friends are getting separated because of college and their GFs, and it pains me alot, but the greater part of this problem is that i dont know how to make new friends. I had a tough childhood because of school. I was bullied from 6th - 10th grade, i got criticized for every action that i did, every piece of clothing i had and anything i would say, so i always tried to change myself to try to "fit in" in the normal people group, but it didnt, work. I did that so many times i think i became a shell of who i was, a whole different person that was in my body, a fragmented personality, and that made me more into a shy person, closed inside myself (i'm trying to say the same thing in different ways because i have a tough time expressing myself, or trying to explain things). And now i can't talk to people, i try to have conversations but i dont know what to say or what to talk about. I was alone all the time and it felt really bad, but i was a kid so it didnt feel as bad as now, and i got addicted to video games, because they wouldnt make me feel so alone. In 11th grade i started opening up to a friend, that was in my class since the 1st grade and he helped me with making friends, and i wasnt so alone. When i was with him, meeting new classmates was like a normal thing, i almost felt like a different person. But i still couldnt have normal talk with them when i was alone with them, i had that problem of not knowing what to say i couldnt have a conversation that normal people had. I only fare well when i'm in a group of 3 people or more. Now that friend of mine has gone to college and has a girlfriend, and i'm repeating 12th grade, so we can't spend much time together. And thanks to that i'm starting to feel all that pain of being alone, but much worse than before. I feel my body closing up and squeezing me from the inside and it pains me alot. I just want to be a normal person but i dont know how. I dont have anyone to teach me. It makes me feel that it's not worth living with all this pain forever. I just wanted to know why God punished me with this life.