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I don't know if he will forgive me..

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Amybells13, Jul 21, 2016.

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  1. Amybells13

    Amybells13 New Member

    I was recently diagnosed with PTSD after a suicide attempt four days ago. I don't even remember the attempt all too clearly I just remember pain, panic and "run". I haven't had it easy but I don't think anyone ever has? I've experienced the death of 9 people close to me (one being a mother figure), I've been emotionally abused by my parents since the beginning of time, I've been emotionally and physically abused by exes, I've been raped by a complete stranger at a party during a time my brother was in hospital suffering from a gunshot wound, I've been assaulted a few times in my neighborhood and I've dated two schizo people as well. I usually make light of those things but I guess faced with things that reminded me of them, I couldn't do it.
    My boyfriends step father attempted to commit suicide when he was 8 years old, it threw them into debt that prohibited him from being able to study after school and he's always been bitter about it. I can't speak for his step father but I can speak for myself. I wouldn't do that to him. Granted, I never had to pay any expenses (public hospital) and it really just caused worry and time, I wouldn't do it and be like "yeah buddy go freak out now". He can't see his step father and myself as two separate people. This is the only common thing now. And it hurts me. I told him that he knows me better than most people and if I could control it, I wouldn't do it. I've spent my whole life forgiving people, making them feel better and doing the "right" thing. Does a symptom of a disease now count as my whole personality and all of who I was before mean nothing?
    Please can someone tell me how to approach this.
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I am sorry that you are feeling so bad. Maybe try explaining PTSD and depression to him. *hugs* Is there a counsellor or a doctor that can help you?
  3. Amybells13

    Amybells13 New Member

    Ive tried to explain it to him but he can't wrap his head around the fact that I couldn't control it. That part upsets me too, after everything I've been through that I felt I didn't have control over with my own body, it pains me that AGAIN I couldn't do anything. I've been signed to a psychologist and even she says that I need to try speak to him and that he may need counseling himself if he still reacts this way.
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. PSTD is a very difficult to break but with therapy such as intensive CBT and medication you can overcome it. It's going to take time and no doubt you will face setbacks but you have to dig deep to move forward.

    You are among people here who suffer each day in their own way but give each other support to know you that others care. Please keep posting and most important be safe.
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