People who come on here will see that I only tend to come on here when I feel bd or I thinking I am feeling bad as I drink a lot. Ok if you read my last posts over the last couple of months you will see what has been going on. Basically...I have been in Asia travelling for the last 3 months. I am due home in 2 weeks. I can't. I came away planning not to go home. Then I found out I was expecting another niece or nephew. That fucked things up. So I was managing ok and then all of a sudden thigs hit me really bad, I am doing the thing where I listen to songs over and over and over... My one at the moment is robbie williams Feel....I don't want to die but i aint keen on living either. I think thaht basically sums how up how I am doing at the moment! I have been stockpiling again also. Over here you don't need prescription for drubs and welll I have been getting some Benzo's. I think I am using it as a well if things dno;t work there I have that. I hve a place on a MA in September but I can't see my future at the moment. I don't know what to do. The "smell" hasn't returned so I know I am not getting the sensory hallucinations. But I can;t talk to other people about it. Before I cane away I got wasted in a club and took a few e's and ended up at my ex's house which was my home for nearly 3 years and he said he thought I should be in hospital! i don't know what to think. It;s a pride thing with me also, I don't want people who I know to know. It's ok on here as no one really knows me so I can say how i really feel. But I seriously don't know hwat to do!