I don't know if I am In the Right Place

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jaimeisbroken, Jul 5, 2012.

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  1. Jaimeisbroken

    Jaimeisbroken Well-Known Member

    Last year, sept 2-3 I was raped. I have thought so often that I was better. I think I have lied to myself. I am in crisis. I am looking for a reason NOT TO end it all. Sadly the reasons have gone far from me. I think I want someone to encourage me to stick around. I know that seems stupid. I know how juvinile that sounds even fror a 17 year old. I am faceing a seconf=d round of court in order to get his crap to conclusion. I was so weak by the end of the first round and I wonder if a 2nd round is possible. I feel so weak, I am so drained.
  2. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    hi, welcome to the forum. i can't even begin to imagine how horrible it is to go through something like that. are you getting help for yourself at the moment?

    there are other teenagers here too, including me, by the way.

    you have come so far already to survive, try not to give up hope.

  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that happened to you, I know how you feel I was raped when I was 12 and I'm in the process of bringing my rapist to court, I'm still waiting for the decisions to be made.You don't sound juvenile at all, I think most of us here have been at the place you've been at now and I'm sorry you're going through all this, it must be horrible. Please keep talking to us, if it helps xox lynn
  4. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    Hi Jaime- nothing sounds Juvenile to me, being raped is pure gutteral and I dont think you ever get over it entirely.
    I am 37, was sexually, physically, emotionally an verbally abused as a child by several men. At 20 my fiance raped me and abused me in all the way possible.
    With the childhood abuse it wasn't until I got older that I realised it was 'abuse' and my mind registered it and I began working on it all. Took me several years, to accept I was raped at 20, think was 26 when one day went into shock and realised I had been. The mind plays funny tricks on us and has a good habit of hiding things from us that are too severe to deal with, nly to rear its head later.
    If you wish to talk to someone one to one in private then feel free to message me. Its so hard, and you must be going through absolute HELL, especially with the Court case going on too, no wonder you are drained. Don't think you are alone (although understandabley you feel like it)............not many people want to think abuse rape, let alone discuss it, but I know 1st hand how it rips you apart. So feel free to talk to me if you feel it may help. Take care ok.
  5. Casper23

    Casper23 Member

    Hi Jamie,
    I know how hard things can be, especially since youre still being dragged thru the process. In my own experiences, it's impossible to even begin to let things go or heal if they are still very much a part of the present. I was raped when I was 14. Even before, and continuing after this incident: experienced a slew of extremely physical and emotionally abusive situations. I will say though that I am so very glad youre talking about it all...and more importantly, that people are listening. I wasn't afforded the oppertunity, and certainly did not have the courage back then. When people's attitudes toward issues like these are: "ignore the problem and it goes away" it does alot of damage to a person, so I'm so very glad neither you or anyone around you is ignoring things. As Lelantgirl pointed out, it's not ever something you can get over entirely. Certain incidents are just too strong not to haunt us, no matter how much we let go or forgive...though, the more we do the more we heal. What really helped me in my situation was the knowledge that all this changed me....for the better mostly, though it was hard it forced me to find an inner strength i didnt know was possible. Eventually, these events shaped me into a stronger person as far as being able to protect myself and overcome other obstacles. I know it sounds trivial, but once i got through things, I really felt much more determined and aware of other negative situations and that i'd be able to get through... Kind of "Well, I got through that, let's see what else you've got life!". That helped me alot....though now i'm 27 and really wished I hadn't inadvertantly taunted life to throw more my way....

    PLease feel free to message me Jamie or Lelantgirl if you'd like to chat
  6. Casper23

    Casper23 Member

    ...or anyone else:)
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