I'm not here for attention, I don't really know why i'm posting this. I guess i'm lonely. I don't know how I can carry on like this to be honest. In summary i'm 21 years old and i'm pretty much a recluse. My life has fallen apart for a few years. This evening is one of those crashing evenings where I just get that feeling inside.. that I want to go. In all honesty it makes me slightly scared, but my life is draining me so much. I'm empty and numb. I can't help feeling sad and upset most days, even at the slightest most stupidest triggers. I'm so lonely. The only thing maybe to look forward to is meeting some people I speak to online. I may have uni coming up but honestly I lost the drive for anything like that a long time ago. I'm so lonely. I have two 'ways' i've thought of going. One probably much more painful than the other, but people much younger than me have done it so I shouldn't be a pussy. I think the only question is when. All I have is myself and when I think about it I feel so much freedom. I don't know. I feel I was meant to do this. I never thought I belonged here.