I don't know if i can go on feeling this way

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JGrim, Nov 15, 2014.

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  1. JGrim

    JGrim New Member

    In 2007 I attempted to kill myself <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> I almost succeeded but the Drs. brought me back with devastating injuries. I broke my C7 vertebrae in my neck my T3,T4,and T5 vertebrae in my back, broke my sternum, broken collar bone, broken pelvis, a few broken ribs, punctured lung, and a bruised heart. It was a long road to recovery, I was never supposed to walk again. 7 years later I just moved to San Francisco to be with the love of my life, I got two jobs as bicycle messenger. I loved every second of it and I proved the Drs. wrong. On September 26 I crashed my bike and re injured my spine. I herniated some disks in my back and can barely walk. Im right back to where I was all because I got cocky and reckless. The first time in my life I was truly happy and I ruin it. Now unable to work and waiting to have surgery, I have to move back to my parents house in southern california. Also during that move my girlfriend of two years, the love of my life, the woman that made me want marriage, want kids, the woman that planned all this, no forced all this into my brain, decided to tell me she's been in love with a man at her work for about eight months now. I'm at my breaking point, I can't do this, I have lost everything, I can barely walk, all I can do is lay around, thinking, replaying all the horrible things she said to me, all the ways she told me he was a better man than I. Trying to quiet that voice that keeps telling me to stop being a pussy, to just do it, get it over with, just kill yourself. I try everything to make the voice shut up. drugs, alcohol, weed, surrounding myself with family, everything I can think of. I tried to get in to talk to a Dr. but the only ones my insurance pays for are booked up for over a month. I can't wait that long. I can't wait. I don't know how long i can take this, this sick feeling, this pressure, this voice. Somebody please help. I just think of my niece, and how sad she'd be without her uncle john john.
     
  2. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Hey, I see that no one had answered your post, I am sorry you have waited so long for somebody to respond.

    I was going to say how lucky you are to have survived that first injury, then I read about the second. Life can be like that I am sorry to say. You do have your family and a niece and you do have another chance. I want to say that you have come to the right place, there are others in here that have gone through similar crises and will be here to help you, to talk, listen or provide support through information and just being here
    I have heard that voice you are hearing and it can be persistent as I know all to well, I hope that you will Hold On, if not for yourself then for others that care for and about you.
    I hope you read some of the posts that you see, I hope that you will reach out for some one in here and ask for the help and comfort that can be found in here. This is a safe place, as you can and will see.
     
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