I don't know if I can go on much longer...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Snipeyoas, Apr 29, 2009.

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  1. Snipeyoas

    Snipeyoas Member

    For the majority of my life ever since childhood, I have had thoughts of suicide. I have had countless attempts but just couldn't seem to do it. However, now it has an extra boost of pain and sorrow that just might make me go all the way. I am now a teen. My grades in school have dropped drastically. All my life I would think that I would rather kill myself than to be retained. In this case, I just might be retained. It is nearly the end of the year. I have done bad this entire year. I am losing hope. I've become very doubtful. The thing is, I don't seem like the kind of guy who is suicidal. I'm not dressing up in some gothic like way. I'm not much of a rebel either. Instead, I seem joyful. I laugh a lot. I often use sarcasm. I'm like a typical joker. Unfortunately, the fact that I am suicidal and close to ending it all is no joke. I have gotten really close lately and I believe retention is going to be the final straw. I really need to get away from this but I just can't. I'm always depressed now. I haven't told my parents or relatives how I feel because I am afraid of their reactions. Usually my mom and dad would just compare me to others and ask why can't I be like them. My mom just nags and nags me to tears. In my mind I curse her and have even flicked her off but behind a door so she wouldn't see. I only hide it in order to prevent being beaten. With my dad it is more serious. He beats me several times when simply get problems in my work wrong. I've even bled and have gotten quite a few bruises from these beatings. I don't know how much longer I can last. If anyone can help, please comment.
  2. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi ... welcome to s.f.

    i hope you find support here.

    regarding your situation at home, i am not sure of your age, but if you are being beaten, i would like you to tell a teacher, a counselor, or the school principal. even the school nurse. if you can't say it out loud, if you are afraid to say the words. . . . write it down, sign it, and give it to one of these school authorities. by law, they are required to look into this.

    if you worry you will get in worse trouble with your parents by reporting it, tell that to the person you inform, as well. ask them to PLEASE make the report out in a way that it look as if THEY '''discovered''' the marks on your body, saw you in gym, etc. . .and that they are suspicious.

    they CAN make it seem like you did NOT report it yourself.

    private message me if you want to talk. but please do not wait - please report this abuse.
    i am so worried for your safety - and i am also worried about the damage this abuse is doing to your soul, and your psyche. :console:
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I totally agree with the last post. You need to talk to someone about what's going on ... a school counselor, teacher that you trust, parent of a friend ... anyone that can help you.

    You can PM me if you ever need to talk to someone!! Please hang on. You can get through this.
  4. Snipeyoas

    Snipeyoas Member

    Thanks for the little bit of help guys. It does help a bit. I am still in the category in which I am suicidal yet afraid of death. So I plan to go to option #2. Another option other than suicide that has been open to me is running away. As some of you know from when I chatted with you about this, I will not have much money to survive on. I talked to a guy on this site named Ants (thanks for the help =\ ) anyways, he convinced me to run away but only for a while. During that time I am to think things over. My original plan was run away and die whenever I run out of food. I guess this can still be considered suicide overall. My only problem with running away for only a short period of time though is the reaction of me returning. It's like someone ascending from hell to heaven for a day, then dropping back down. What should I do?
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I agree that you need to talk to someone...and soon...do you have any adults you can talk to??? if not, speak to the guidance counselor or a favorite teacher...you are value to many ppl and your feelings should be heard and honored...big hugs, J
  6. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Your parents sound like assholes. I would avoid home as much as possible. Find some friends and hang out with them more. Maybe they can help you with school.
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