I don't know if I can make this work

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by captaincrash4, Jan 15, 2014.

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  1. captaincrash4

    captaincrash4 New Member

    Hi, I've recently broken up with my partner of nearly 12 years and we have a 11 year old son together. This week I had to move out down to my parents as she didn't want to continue living together as it felt like we were still a couple. My son took it really hard as i've been a stay at home dad for the past 6 years and to be honest it's killing me being so far away from both of them. I'm not in love with my ex but she was my best friend and everything was so easy and I miss the companionship. Today was the first time in seeing my son as I skyped him and it was really difficult as its just not the same. I am starting a job in a week and a half (assuming nothing goes wrong) and I just am lacking in motivation to get myself in a place where i'm good.

    I thought about ending it all several times as I know this is 100% over and its both of them I miss. The only thing that has stopped me so far is I know it will screw my son up but my tolerance for the pain is getting too much! I've spoken to friends and as much as they have tried to help its just not working and my family are trying to help but its not the same and its far from what I want.

    The day before I moved out I came close to doing something but decided that I owed it to myself and my boy to give it a shot at my parents but its just so hard knowing I only have a small window to see him. My ex wants to stay friends but wants some distance just now which i've managed and only spoken to her briefly about my son but not having my sidekick at home with me is so hard as its been nearly 12 years! I used to be quite a chatty person but now i'm quite reclusive and I just want my own space like I had with the family I chose to be with me and I know I can't have that anymore.

    I keep telling myself it will get better with time and I have my son to live for but these feelings of emptiness are killing and I dont know how much more of it I can take!

    Thanks for reading!
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Get a lawyer hun fight for your visitation rights to have your son half the time ok do that for HIM and for you don't let her dictate what will be you get a good lawyer on your side
  3. captaincrash4

    captaincrash4 New Member

    she isnt being difficult to be fair. she said she would never come between us and I can see him whenever. i'm seeing him friday and saturday so i hope it will help me
  4. iwanttohelp

    iwanttohelp Well-Known Member

    Yes, I got divorced 8 years ago and I cried all the time for my daughters and I was seriously freaked out too.

    Over time I adjusted and you will too, I promise. I still have an absolutely incredible relationship with my daughters and I am good friends with my ex and her new husband. We are all family because that is what we all decided on... to learn and grow from the change.

    Take a little time every day to be still, let your waters settle, cry a bit.. and go for a walk outside. Get a journal and once a day write all the things you love about your son. Then write about any positive aspects you can think of within the new situation. Be gentle with yourself. Take this time as an opportunity to think deeply and look at the big picture.

    I believe you can thrive again and offer your son a lifetime of love and companionship. He will always, always need you. It is really important that you make the very best of this because his life and yours are precious. I wish you well.
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