He told me I didn't have to, he kept telling me it was my choice. But he just kept pushing, and prodding, and using guilt-trips to get me where he wanted me, how he wanted me. He said he didn't know I didn't want to. He has since said it was totally unintentional; he never set out to get me there, and it wasn't malicious; he just thought I was nervous and that he could help me to get through that. I think I believe him. I do. But the fact is that he was still capable of it. And if I let myself, I'll keep dwelling on the feeling that I didn't have a choice. Because he told me I did, but when I asked for it to stop it didn't. ---- I'm just trying to make sense of it. Because, really, the only measure of how bad it was is how I feel about it, right? And if I keep working myself up about whether I was clear enough that I didn't want to, and trying to work out how and why it ended up happening anyway. I will just continue feeling dreadful. Whereas, if I accept what he says, which is basically "I was drunk, and behaved apallingly, but the repercussions for you were unintentional and I genuinely didn't realise that was what was happening for you at the time". Then I feel better. Am I fooling myself?