Im sorry i really need to let this out. I hate asking for advice i feel useless when i do. I have other problems and this isnt the most serious one but its one that has been on my mind constantly for the last few weeks. I have a boyfriend and i feel so used and disgusted by him. I feel he doesnt care about me, he wants to use me. I feel too scared to leave or speak up. With his last girlfriend he became very depressed about it and tried to end his life. I fear that if i try to leave this time he will succeed. I wish i had never got into this, he was different before we went out. Now he is controlling, few years older and he plays mind tricks with me. He will say do something that will make me hate him but he will just need to say some stupid little line and i will come running back. I fear one day he wont stop. Im not ready for sex. He has tried before to have sex with me, holding me down. I have had to push him off a lot, forcing myself to do it. I hate this. I feel trapped by this guy. Its easy to say just to end it, but i cant. I cant hurt someone, have them go back to doing what he did after his last break up. I dont need this right now, im debating with my life right now, my problems and whether i should really be here. I so badly just want to send him this but i cant. I know i cant. I know im trapped and i cant get out. I fucking hate this. Joined with my other problems i think it will be easier for him and myself to leave. End my life, no one will have to worry then. I dont know. I just wanted to let this out to someone. I sound like some fucking little school girl, why cant i just have some back bone and end it? Im too much of a soft person that is why. I cant do well in life, i cant face reality if i cant even end a relationship with a man who wants to use me, hurt me mentally and psychially. Do i have that little self respect for myself to let someone do this to me? I guess i just need a little advice on how to make the first step to ending it. Thanks for reading, sorry.