I dont know - one problem in my life

[xestrangedx]

Im sorry i really need to let this out. I hate asking for advice i feel useless when i do. I have other problems and this isnt the most serious one but its one that has been on my mind constantly for the last few weeks.

I have a boyfriend and i feel so used and disgusted by him. I feel he doesnt care about me, he wants to use me. I feel too scared to leave or speak up. With his last girlfriend he became very depressed about it and tried to end his life. I fear that if i try to leave this time he will succeed. I wish i had never got into this, he was different before we went out. Now he is controlling, few years older and he plays mind tricks with me. He will say do something that will make me hate him but he will just need to say some stupid little line and i will come running back.
I fear one day he wont stop. Im not ready for sex. He has tried before to have sex with me, holding me down. I have had to push him off a lot, forcing myself to do it. I hate this. I feel trapped by this guy. Its easy to say just to end it, but i cant. I cant hurt someone, have them go back to doing what he did after his last break up. I dont need this right now, im debating with my life right now, my problems and whether i should really be here. I so badly just want to send him this but i cant. I know i cant. I know im trapped and i cant get out. I fucking hate this. Joined with my other problems i think it will be easier for him and myself to leave. End my life, no one will have to worry then.

I dont know. I just wanted to let this out to someone. I sound like some fucking little school girl, why cant i just have some back bone and end it? Im too much of a soft person that is why. I cant do well in life, i cant face reality if i cant even end a relationship with a man who wants to use me, hurt me mentally and psychially. Do i have that little self respect for myself to let someone do this to me? I guess i just need a little advice on how to make the first step to ending it.

Thanks for reading, sorry.

 

[One who listens..]

You remind me a lot of my girlfriend. She's strong on the inside, but very caring on the outside. Of course, I was considerate of her, and very slow with advancing our relationship.
On the otherhand, your boyfriend sounds like an ass.

Y.o.u n.e.e.d t.o l.e.a.v.e h.i.m

You said yourself he plays mindgames with you. Has anyone else verified he tried to kill himself before over a break-up? Are you sure he's not spreading that as a way to get sympathy from you?

If your not ready for sex, and he's trying to force you, break up with him. Get some friends around you when you do it, leave him a msn message, whatever you need to do, but if he is abusing you like that, that's just plain wrong.
Frankly, it sounds like the type of guy I'd beat senseless if he ever did that to a girl I knew.

For your sake, if you really don't love him, you should leave him. It'll only get harder as he thinks hes got more control over you.

 

[Marshmallow]

ditto what One_who_listens said, i think you should leave him aswell, i think your staying whith him for the wrong reasons, hes keeping you by making you feel that hes gonna attempt suicide again if you leave him, hes playing a guilt trip on you. If he did attempt it again, its his problems that are allready going on, you just breaking up with him is not gonna be the only thing it will proberbly be a mixture of things.

And also the thing about sex, can be seen as attempted rape, ifyou hadn't pushed him off, do you think he would of stopped? personally i dont think he would of, what happens when he tries it again, but he uses more force and you cant fight him off?. if he cant respect that your not ready for it, then hes not worth it.

take care

vikki x

 

[Allo..]

Lol off the topic for a sec - you sound just like me, saying sorry for saying your probs.. so sounds like me..
Anyway.. maybe you could try telling him how your feeling, telling him you want him to stop.. one thing i know is, dont end your life, it will make him feel worse than if you broke up.. way worse... PM me if you wanna chat, im here =) x