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I don't know really

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by luke2010, Jul 14, 2011.

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  1. luke2010

    luke2010 Member

    I keep having thoughts and urges to hurt myself. I will be walking along and for example a bus comes along. My brain just goes what if? And I've found it very hard to stop myself. When I was younger I tried several times to end my life, walking infront of a bus and walking down a motorway swaying myself infront of cars (I don't remember this was told after I came round in an ambluance) Quite a lot of stuff happened what made me feel like that and I thought I had got past that and moved on, but now these thoughts are coming back more frequently and stronger than before. I know I won't hurt myself because I always have this doubt which I stop and then am in floods of tears but I really don't know what to do. I've had counselling before it just made me feel worse as I delving and bringing everything up again.
  2. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Hi luke,

    It sounds like that you need professional help. You said counselling before made you feel worse as you “delving and bringing everything up again”. It may be a necessary process before the counsellor or therapist can help you heal…

    So I encourage you to get professional help again and work with the therapist to heal yourself as you are worthy and deserve better…

    In the meantime, do take care of yourself…stay safe…

    With loving wishes and hugs :hug:
  3. luke2010

    luke2010 Member

    Thank you for your kind words, It's a process I've tried to go through several times, I just end up not going, I can't push through the barrior
  4. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    The mind is playing a trick on you. It tells you (or the mind itself) that you cannot push through the barrier because something scary would happen. If you look further and see that there is nothing really scary but just a fearful thought (not more scary than suicidal thought), you know you can push through the barrier…

    A professional is there to help you. Find one you feel comfortable or a kind of connection with. Please give yourself such opportunities to get healed. Maybe check out some self-help books at the same time...

    Sending you strength and courage...with hugs :hug:
  5. objectsinmirrors

    objectsinmirrors Well-Known Member

    Hi Luke,

    It can be very scary when things in the environment like a bus passing makes you think about killing yourself, because its such a common occurence. i have the same problem where sometimes suicidal thoughts that aren't related to negative feelings but are just really random come up, and it is very hard to stay away from them. I also have suicidal thoughts that are related to negative experiences and emotions etc, but not knowing where all the suicidal thoughts are coming from when there is some trigger in the environment like a bus passing is very confusing and disorienting when it happens to me. I agree with lovebeing that counseling may be very helpful for you if you find a good therapist that is knowledgeable about any disorders you may be diagnosed with. I know that things can feel worse in the short term with counseling, but there IS hope and you are NOT alone! Something that is helpful for me at times when i am having suicidal thoughts is thinking about the things i want to do in my life like be a mother and write a book, thinking about my long term goals and then working on one of them a little bit can be extremely helpful and life affirming for me, have you ever tried doing that? Please keep us updated about how you are doing and remember that SF is here for you!

    May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be wise. May you be safe and protected. Peace be with you.
  6. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I'm like that, too. Every time I see someone going by quickly, I'm thinking "Are they going fast enough to make it clean?".
  7. luke2010

    luke2010 Member

    It's constantly getting worse I feel, I'm too scared to go to someone in case they dismiss me as a freak or attention seeking or something. I can't sleep at night at the moment. Every time I close my eyes its like I'm going through the motions again then wake in a cold sweat as it climaxes.
  8. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    You know you are not a freak or attention seeking. Don’t listen to those thoughts. Trust yourself and be a good friend to yourself…accept and love yourself unconditionally…help yourself get the help you need…

    With loving wishes and hugs :hug:
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